Three No-Win Arguments That Manifest As Struggle

woman screaming at small yoga woman

If we’re experiencing any kind of struggle – with manifesting what we want, within our relationships, with our health or our bank accounts – the root cause is usually that we’re actually struggling within ourselves.

Our ego’s need for safety bickers with our Soul’s desire for self-expression. Our conscious mind is fighting with our subconscious belief system. Or maybe our inner wisdom and intuition is battling against a set of adopted values we’ve always upheld.

Here are the three most common inner arguments that we engage in, time and again.

They are not fun.

They do not create abundance.

They can’t be won.

1. I should want what I don’t really want.

We’re bombarded with messages all day long about what we “should” want. A close-knit family. A loving intimate relationship. A fit and active lifestyle. Work-life balance. A vibrant social life. A healthy diet. A six-figure income.

We should want to have it all … right?

But what if you are perfectly happy being single, enjoy the couch instead of the gym, are in love with your work to the point of obsession, and have no intention of ever giving up bacon?

All too often, we create struggle because what we think we “should” want and what actually makes us happy are two very different things.

If there’s a goal you keep struggling with, consider that it might not actually be YOUR goal at all. It might be a goal that you’ve adopted from society, your family, your friends, even your mastermind group.

Maybe you’re just regularly “shoulding” yourself into working out and leading a healthier lifestyle … but the Truth is that you don’t really want to!

Maybe you’re “shoulding” yourself into an automated sales funnel … but the Truth is, you really hate dealing with technology!

You can’t talk yourself into desire. You can try. But it’s not effective. Ever.

In fact, “shoulding” yourself into wanting what you don’t truly want may create so much preoccupation that you miss the boat on your ACTUAL Soul-inspired desires that call you into your true greatness.

2. I want you to want what you don’t really want.

It’s difficult pursuing our fullest potential when our partner, our family, and our friends are not at all interested in our vision.

Time and again, I see entrepreneurs invest huge amounts of time and energy trying to get their spouse “on board” with their big dream.

No matter how much you cajole or educate someone, no matter how much you try to expose them to new ways of thinking … you can’t make someone want something they don’t really want.

The only thing you can do is claim what you want for yourself and create the most epic lifestyle you can imagine. By modeling what is possible, you’ll either awaken desire in others to create it for themselves … or not.

3. I want what I don’t want to want.

All too often clients come to me with “dirty little secrets” of what they ACTUALLY want. Sometimes I’m the only person to whom they’ve admitted things like:

They secretly want a getaway home for themselves that they DON’T want to share with their spouse and kids.

They secretly want to move somewhere beautiful and exotic, but are afraid that it will make them a “bad” son or daughter if they move away from their parents.

They secretly want to experiment with non-monogamous relationship models, but are terrified of being judged as a slut or a player.

Sometimes our true desires are highly inconvenient – for us, and for the people in our lives. But suppressing what we truly want always leads to passive-aggressive drama, dysfunction, self-sabotage, and deep resentment … which serves no-one, and certainly doesn’t lead to growth.

There’s only one way I know to resolve these inner arguments, so that we can move forward from struggle and into abundance:

Get to know your Soul REALLY well. Aligning to the Truth of who you are is always going to create abundance for you. And then give your Soul it’s authentic self-expression. The more you get to know your own Soul, the easier it becomes to know what desires are truly inspired and which are simply egoic attachment.

To your infinite abundance,
Andrrea Hess


  • Martha says:

    Awesome article, Andrrea! I am excited about reading your e-book now. Thanks so much! 🙂

  • Phoebe says:

    This is really great to hear. Basically you’re saying the “shoulds” are our ego, and what we really want is actually based on our soul, NOT our personality — like you mentioned in the Blueprint video? Besides the guilt of “I should want this” is there any way to really know the difference between soul wants and ego wants? I guess that’s what the Blueprint class is teaching, hey?!

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