The Key to Detachment
Posted on October 18, 2008
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Manifest Your Desired Outcomes, Releasing Limiting Beliefs, Spiritual Development |
Attachment arises out of a single flawed assumption of the egoic mind. The ego assumes that when a goal is attained, when something happens that we want, then we will be happy, or fulfilled, or joyful. It also assumes that if something undesirable happens, then we will be sad, or angry, or hurt.
In truth, however, our state of Being is completely independent of any events that take place in our lives.
As you sit reading this right now, can you summon a feeling of joy? Go ahead and summon up a happy memory or a joyful expectation. Allow a bubble of joy to grow in the pit of your stomach and rise up to fill your heart. Smile until the smile becomes genuine. Take a few breaths, and inhale joy. Let the energy travel outward from your heart until it fills your Being. Go ahead and close your eyes. Sit with the energy of joy for a while.
Nothing happened in your life to create this joy. You generated joy all by yourself, through simple intention. You were both the cause and the result of joy. And you could create joy at absolutely any time, just by deciding to do so. This is true no matter what events are happening in your life.
We can create a state of abundance without having a dime to our name. We can summon the state of being in love without being in a relationship. We can create a state of peace, even while watching the evening news.
The egoic mind will have us believe that all of these things – abundance, love, peace – are dependent on what is happening in our lives. The ego thinks that a state of abundance depends on our bank balance. The ego will have us believe that love comes into our lives from someone else.
The truth is that we alone are Source.
So why aren’t we all constantly in a joyful, abundant, peaceful state of Being? Go ahead and once again summon that energy of joy for a minute or two. If you remain in that state of being for a while, you will notice your mind getting …. bored. That’s right, joy gets boring after a while! There are no problems to solve, nothing to get worked up over. There are no worries to entertain the mind. That’s why the mind creates attachment.
If we are to stay out of attachment, we need to give the mind something to do. Left to its own devices, the mind is reactive. The mind reacts to everything – every event, what other people say to us – and so creates our state of Being. If the reaction is negative, the mind will come up with a goal that would create a positive reaction instead. And so we begin believing the illusion that a certain monthly income will give us abundance, or a romantic relationship will bring us love.
Or we can become conscious creators.
We can deliberately generate the state of being that we desire for ourselves. We can then give the mind the task of expressing that state of being creatively, through action. The outcome simply wouldn’t matter. We are already in the state that we want to create. We are simply taking action to give the mind something to do. The mind will think and solve problems and make plans. That is its job, and we can’t change that. But we can make our mind’s activity about creatively expressing joy, or abundance, or love – rather than about creating a specific result.
For example, we could call our partner because we want him or her to tell us how special we are, and that will make us feel loved.
Or we could be in a state of love, and the creative expression of that love is making a phone call. We don’t want anything out of that phone call – it’s just our state of being, authentically expressing itself.
While the action is still making a phone call to our partner, the first comes from a place of attachment. We want something out of that phone call – to feel loved. The other has no agenda. It is just an expression of what we already have and are.
What if every action we took was only a creative expression of our state of Being? What if every business venture, every project, every conversation were simply an extension of our Being, with no agenda attached?
Our state of Being is completely independent of any event, outcome, goal, or person. Nothing that happens in our lives determines whether we are happy, or loved, or fulfilled – unless we allow it. This is the key to detachment. We can at any time decide to be peaceful, or in love, or joyful. This is the true gift of free will and free choice.
What are your thoughts? Please add your comment below!
Blessings,
Andrea
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19 Responses to “The Key to Detachment”
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I like where you are trying to go Andrea, but I’m not sure. It almost seems like you are saying “throw the mind (dog) a bone just to keep it busy.” am I reading you correctly? Maybe the simple truth is that stuff just happens. Our actions in the world seem far more reactive no matter where the thought comes from. But who knows? I don’t. But I still liked your post!
Andrea, I appreciate your invitation to be one with joy.
I find that I am mindful of my encounters and experiences when I contain or express a state of being with presence of mind, whether this state of being is one of peace, love, joy, bliss, or abundance.
I also find that when I lose my presence of mind, I lose my capacity or ability to contain or express a desired state of being, which in turn has me looking outside of myself for false substitutes of being.
The truth is that we alone are Source.
I love this truth. I, alone, am Source. I love also that “alone” is a contraction of “all one”. I am all one, which means that I am both separate and one with all. Honoring both, I, alone, am Source.
With this realization, I can play the game. I can choose to be or do, respond or react, give or take. At any given moment, I can be at choice for anything, as everything. For I, alone, am Source.
Having said all of this, I think you make a necessary concession to the mind. Yes, the mind is always in need of activity, so let us learn to flow with the need to mindfully contain or creatively express.
Great post. Very articulate and well expressed.
Christopher
I like it, Andrea. I have been noticing a lot of my friends lately using the expression, ‘I can’t afford it,’ and it makes me notice that I don’t generally say that these days. I’m sure I don’t have any more disposable income than I did back in the day, but I don’t perceive that I can’t afford the things I want these days.
I know I’m on a slight tangeant here, but your post made me think of it so it had to be said.
First off the whole exercise of creating joy by recalling a previous joyful moment - was a powerful one for me. And I felt myself getting back into that moment - And feeling much joy and peace (it was also a peaceful moment for me).
And in doing this, yes - I can see that the key to detachment is that we can decide to “be”. We can detach from what is currently going on, and get to that place that we desire. How this works in everyday life - I’m not sure yet, but I’m going to try it out this week. When I’m feeling particularly attached to something that is bringing me down, I will try this out - and work to detach from it.
Just the other day I watched Dan Gilbert’s TED conference presentation (ted.com) and he came to similar conclusions from a psychologist’s perspective, citing the famous study that found lottery winners to be no happier than paraplegics. I think it’s so cool when similar truths pop up across very different fields of study.
My personal challenge with this is that when I try to force my way into a more positive mood/vibration/state of being, it has the opposite effect. I’ve tried many different methods over the years, but I eventually give up because I’d rather live in a “blah” neutral (or slightly positive) state of being than feel so angry most of the time.
Anyone else experience this?
Andrea,
I feel that what you describe is the ultimate goal of incarnation, to learn transcendence. So many people have been taught that they are here to learn by suffering, or through suffering, which is not the same thing as learning to transcend suffering.
It’s almost as if there is some mad goal of achieving a state where only joyful events occur, and all suffering is avoided, when really the state of being is untouched by either duality.
I believe the Buddhists and Taoists probably have more to offer this conversation than I do… I’ve learned a lot from Alice Walker, actually, who has written quite a bit about what she calls possessing the secret of joy.
My take-away from your article is certainly the truth that “our state of Being is completely independent of any events that take place in our lives”.
[...] The Key to Detachment - Empowered Soul, Andrea Hess “Attachment arises out of a single flawed assumption of the [...]
A nice article Andrea. I’m at the point where I really like to believe there is a Source outside of me, but thats just a personal choice. Your words were particularly timely for me tonight.
All the best,
Rick
“If you remain in that state of being for a while, you will notice your mind getting …. bored. That’s right, joy gets boring after a while! There are no problems to solve, nothing to get worked up over. There are no worries to entertain the mind. That’s why the mind creates attachment.”
This is so true! I think a lot of times we get addicted to the drama that life can bring. I really like what you said about staying in the state that we desire and work on CREATING more of that state. That’s so big! Instead of facing the day and saying, okay, I’m gonna work hard to get this, or avoid that…I can say today I’m gonna create more love. It’s being proactive…it’s taking charge of your life…it’s managing your emotions.
I absolutely LOVE this post! It’s given me so much to think about. I’m going to set some new goals for myself and practice this. Thank you!!
I really needed this. Thank you Andrea! Sometimes, I drive myself nuts thinking about what I’m thinking about.
The past 17 days, I’ve been working on balancing a state of being. (a 28 day process) Like remembering a time I felt safe and secure and really FEELING it. Breathing it into my being and feeling joy.
I can really tell its changing my perspective to my “issues” of worry, fear, etc.!
I’m eager to see where it takes me.
Thank you, Tom! I’m not saying that we should just give the mind something to do to keep it busy … intentionally engaging the mind in creative self-expression is more like it.
Christopher, thank you for adding that element - “all one” and “alone.” And since we are one with Source, we are Source …
Hilary, thanks for adding your comment. It’s interesting how our language changes when we embrace different aspects of consciousness. I think we do it automatically - the more connection and one-ness we feel, the fewer statements of separation we make. What do you think?
Lance, I’m so glad the exercise reminded you that you can be joy whenever you want! Let us know how the week goes. I know it can be challenging to choose our state of being as life happens!
Slade, thank you for bringing up that distinction of transcending suffering. The thing is, I think that when we decide on a state of joy or fulfillment or peace, we attract more of that resonance anyway … although that’s not something to attach to, either.
I’ll have to check out Alice Walker, I don’t know her work.
Rick - yeah, the idea of being Source can be disconcerting. So much power, so much responsibility, too!
Tiko, thank you! I agree with you completely, the mind does love its drama so much. I’ve been working on directing that mental energy creatively this week, too.
The mind will still think its reactive thoughts as well, but if we stay centered in our Beingness, those thoughts lose their “punch” somehow.
Wendy - my mind can definitely drive me crazy, too. Trust me, this article was born out of a rough couple of weeks spent in total attachment … I wouldn’t change it, though, because the experiences of attachment and detachment in contrast really taught me so much.
Remember that the “issues” are really just the mind entertaining itself with it’s perceived problems!
Blessings,
Andrea
I like the concept, but it brings me to ask questions. If we alone are source and can generate our own abundance and joy, why is it that we need each other? Can you convince me that anyone can remain eternally happy without the love of another simply by summoning one’s own joy and abundance? I lost my daughter (who was only 17) to cancer 3 years ago and I have come to believe that life is all about letting go, yes about detachment. The process however, is painful and one of suffering. How can we NOT be dependant on the love of our children, partners. How can we not feel the pain of another’s suffering? Are we spiritual beings locked within the confines of human existence?
Lesley
I like the concept, but it brings me to ask questions. If we alone are source and can generate our own abundance and joy, why is it that we need each other? Can you convince me that anyone can remain eternally happy without the love of another simply by summoning one’s own joy and abundance? I lost my daughter (who was only 17) to cancer 3 years ago and I have come to believe that life is all about letting go, yes about detachment. The process however, is painful and one of suffering. How can we NOT be dependant on the love of our children, partners or events? How can we not feel the pain of another’s suffering? Are we spiritual beings locked within the confines of human existence?
Lesley
Andrea - I am so happy to have found your blog and site as it resonates with my life and thinking to a tee!
(I found it through UrbanMonk and the comment you left on the last post)
Whether it is about disappointment or detachment, we are so in control of how we choose to react to any of these paradigms.
I have written several articles about detachment myself and value the way you have brought in here the topic of the ego, as indeed if we all saw ourselves as Source, rather than the small egos we go around living out - life and everything in it would take on a whole new meaning.
“Our state of Being is completely independent of any event, outcome, goal, or person. Nothing that happens in our lives determines whether we are happy, or loved, or fulfilled – unless we allow it.”
You have summed it all up very well above. Actually that realization inspires me. What happens really is no concern of mine because it can only affect me if I choose to allow it.
Thanks for this one. I like it when blog authors actually give us an exercise that proves there point.
[...] consultation and for letting me babble endlessly about all the questions I have. Your last post on Detachment really hit home for me. I am very grateful we have [...]
Thanks Andrea for the post.
You hit the nail on the head when you state that the mind gets bored with too much joy or peace. At a very basic level we have all become addicted to “drama emotions”. We must break this addiction inorder to know Enlightenment.
Blessing,
Michelle Lee, CH
Outstanding post, Andrea. I love how you’ve disconnected our state of being from anything that happens outside of us. What a liberating and thrilling realization!
Andrea -
I’m a little late in my comment, but I wanted to say I learned something very valuable in this exercise…that many of my past joys recalled were attached to pain and tears, as well. So, as I summoned several joyful memories, I had tears of both happiness and sad or “melancholy” tears. I see that, because I am so, so sensitive, I have blocked the joy for many years (i.e., relationships, experiences, etc.) because I have associated it with pain! I couldn’t believe, as I went through the experience, I was both smiling and crying like a baby! WOW. But, by sitting in it for awhile, I also felt surrounded in and by love. Now, there’s some new work to do…also related and have often experienced my mind getting bored w/ being happy or content, so it searches for drama or another problem to solve.
Thanks, Jill