Sharing Our Evolution
Posted on May 28, 2008
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Spiritual Development |
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Are you sure you could pull that off?”
“I don’t really see the point, but go ahead if you think it’s worth it.”
“Don’t you think you’re going a little too far?”
The beginning of any new endeavor – a new career, hobby, or spiritual practice – is a fragile little blade of grass, easily stepped on and squashed. We bravely share our goals and dreams with our loved ones, hoping for their support. Unfortunately, they may not always be as encouraging as we would like. They may regard our newfound passion with suspicion. Their words, though perhaps well-meant, can undermine our determination and confidence, and leave us feeling hurt and isolated.
How do we prevent the opinions of others from negatively affecting us? One way certainly could be to keep our new endeavor a secret. I have coached clients who have felt the need to hide their spiritual practices from their spouse or children, fearing their lack of acceptance. But this stifles our authenticity and our self-expression. It reinforces the belief that what we are doing is inappropriate. It also sweeps the real problem under the table, out of sight and mind. The real problem isn’t what other people think or say about us. The real problem is our own lack of certainty.
It is this lack of certainty, this energy of self-doubt, that makes others doubt us, also. It’s easy to blame the people in our lives for not supporting us, perhaps even for holding us back in our endeavors. The truth usually is, however, that our loved ones are merely reflecting our own discomfort back to us. They are simply mirroring our own objections, hesitations, and ambiguity.
And yet, at the beginning of any new chapter in our lives, isn’t uncertainty unavoidable? If the real issue is our own insecurity, how do we move beyond it? The good news is that we don’t have to. We may not know whether a class or workshop will bring us real value. We may not know whether our new business or website will ever make us any money. We may not know if a new spiritual practice will bring us greater peace and happiness. But we can know one thing with complete certainty. We can know the intent behind our new venture. The actual consequences of our actions may be unclear. But certainty can come with clarity and consciousness of intent.
Let’s say that we are starting our own online business. We have no idea whether it will ever make us any money. But what is this business really about? What is the intent behind its creation? Is it just to make money? What does that money represent? Is it freedom, expansion, possibility? Or maybe the business is about passion, or self-expression. Let’s say the intention behind creating the business is authentic self-expression. When we focus on our intention, whether the business thrives or fails suddenly doesn’t matter as much. We are expressing ourselves just by creating it. We know with absolute certainty that our intent is fulfilled just by launching this business!
Similarly, we may hold the intention of creating a closer relationship with our Divine Self when we begin a new spiritual practice. Or we could go on a trip abroad with the intent of expanding our horizons and our comfort zone. While the outcomes of our ventures may remain uncertain, our intent is clear.
Now imagine this conversation:
You: “I want to go to India for a month to live in an ashram.”
Your loved one: “What? Why would you want to go to India? You’ve never even been outside of this country! You would probably hate it over there.”
You: “My intent is to step way out of my comfort zone and experience something completely different.”
Your loved one: “Oh. Okay.”
Our own clarity of intent makes the opinions of others simply that – their opinion. We may not know the exact outcome of our actions. The energy of certainty, however, is on our side. When drawn to a new venture, we must first ask ourselves what we are truly after. What is the intent behind our actions? We can define this for ourselves before we share our plans with anyone. When we allow our intentions to guide our actions, goals and outcomes and uncertainty fade into the background. We attract less doubt and resistance from the people that matter most. Not only that, but by sharing our intent, we assist our loved ones in giving us the genuine support we desire.
Blessings,
Andrea
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15 Responses to “Sharing Our Evolution”
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Do you wonder if sometimes what people are asking for is really some form of permission? Permission is not the same thing as encouragement or support, and ultimately is something you must give yourself.
I don’t ask for permission, although I do share what my intentions with those close to me. I also recognize that the majority of my friends and family do NOT necessarily share in my belief system, the work that I do may freak them out a little bit or they may just not get it.
It’s funny, but I find that I present things more in a “Look what craziness I have planned!” And the people who really love and support me don’t have to love and support the details, the content, or the dreams, they are only required to say “Go, Slade! Cool! Wonderful!”
That part is very easy for anyone to offer, and so I’m very careful that I don’t expect or require more than that.
For the entrepreneurs out there, please know that your Mama and your BFF are not necessarily your customer or your audience — if they are, wonderful! But it’s not required.
And one other little thing, do we sometimes ask someone to confirm our own doubts for us? Are we sometimes asking for someone to say “Yeah, you’re going to make a fool of yourself if you proceed with that…” Even people who don’t realize they are, are extremely sensitive and will most often respond to unspoken, powerful, energetic cues… from YOU.
Have you been to India or are you going to India? Is that something you are personally aspiring to, or is it just for an example? I am curious where you go or might have gone, that helps you personally on your journey.
Andrea, your example of the India trip conversation could have taken place with my family for each of my India trips. My whole family thought I had lost my mind going to India. I hadn’t been on an airplane or out of the U. S. before that first trip in 1998. My husband still doesn’t understand why I go to India. My sister is just now beginning to open up to her own spirituality and we can have conversations where she doesn’t think my views are crazy. They all know that I don’t think that I am crazy and that those trips and my spiritual views are things that I really believe in.
Hey, Andrea, you wrote this post for me, right!?
At first, I was thinking of my own post on how people, our loved ones included, can manipulate us. And I’m so glad you went deeper and pointed out the energetic issue behind the scene. Our own uncertainty reflects — even invites — others’ criticism, disapproval, and manipulation. And Slade is right that sometimes we utilize this system to excuse ourselves from completing the action.
As I am starting my second line of service ^_^ and was feeling a bit “shy” about it, this post is so helpful. Thank you.
Slade - Oh, absolutely, I think we may at times want permission to either go ahead and move forward - or permission to let an opportunity go by!
You know, I’ve really come to the recognition that my own level of comfort with my weird job is what determines everyone else’s level of comfort. Either that, or people are still uncomfortable and I just don’t care that much.
I have excellent friends who really don’t believe in what I do, and it’s a complete non-issue. Like you, I definitely do not require them to get on board with what I’m doing most of the time - just to support the fact that I’m excited or enthusiastic, rather than the actual thing itself. It’s a very good point you make about what kind of support to expect.
Michelle - Nope, never been to India and have no plans to go! I do seem to know a lot of people who have done that, though - like Patricia, to name just one
- so that example just jumped into my head! As for my own journeys … they usually aren’t physical! I don’t really love to travel, I did a lot of that in childhood, and now I’m a total homebody. I tend to be extremely adventurous when it comes to launching new classes or programs, or doing something new in business. I don’t think much, I just jump right in. I do travel to workshops from time to time.
Patricia - Isn’t it wonderful that they can support us without agreeing with us? I think we get into trouble when we demand the agreement or actual understanding.
I think my own family thought I was nuts when I went from singing opera to massage therapy. Oddly enough, becoming a yoga teacher and then starting intuitive work didn’t seem to make as much of an impact. Or maybe they think I’m totally crazy, but put up with me anyway.
No-one has ever mentioned being uncomfortable, anyway, which I guess is surprising!
Akemi - Glad you added the link!
You know, your question on what to do if someone considers our work “demonic” did spark a train of thought that contributed to this article! So many people I work with do have trouble “coming out of the psychic/spiritual closet” sometimes, or don’t feel supported by their family. It definitely got me thinking!
Don’t worry, the shyness passes! Sometimes I really have a little fun, telling new people what I do after lulling them into thinking I’m a perfectly “normal” person. Hee hee.
Blessings,
Andrea
Hey, I’m proud to report I’m feeling better.
Interestingly enough, most people don’t really get off - in fact, they get intrigued when I tell them about the soul and my new service.
Thanks again!
Great article, Andrea! I’ve come to realise that when I find myself working really hard to convince someone about my choices/actions, it’s usually an indication that I still need to convince myself
. And it means that I need to clarify my intentions - either this honest introspection will provide a creative impetus for a project, or I’ll realise that I was doing something because I thought I “should”, in which case I can let it go and open up some space for something which does match my intentions.
Andrea, the truth of this article deeply resonated in me, suddenly making everything clear. Simple. Now I feel I can move forward in starting my own business without endless “what ifs” paralyzing me. My intention really IS the key. And the rest? Just details, really, that’ll work out as I go.
Endless thanks.
I find when I follow my inner guidance and listen is when I feel more real and authentic especially when I’ve discovered something new or have an idea. But when I ignore that and give my attention to the opinion of others instead is when I lose steam and my passion fizzles.
As always, Andrea, you always have something good to share.
Blessings,
Akemi - That’s great! That must be a huge confidence-booster, to know that the people in your life are interested in this new career of yours!
Mags - So true! That’s a perfect example of how others are a fantastic mirror of our relationship with ourselves. Especially the people that really bother us can serve us by forcing us to examine an inner Truth we haven’t quite wanted to deal with!
Julie - Wow! Thank you so much. You are so right - intention first, the details do fall into place along the way. I’d love to know what actions this post is instegating …. and if there’s a website involved, do post a link here, so we can all come and support you!
Pat - Yeah, somehow the opinions of others are never as inspiring as our own authentic self-expression, are they? You point out a great way to tell the difference!
Thank you all for your comments!
Blessings,
Andrea
It’s kind of interesting how when we are new to something and could really use the support we don’t get it. But once we are stronger and don’t care about it - the support seems to come. You said this. “The truth usually is, however, that our loved ones are merely reflecting our own discomfort back to us. They are simply mirroring our own objections, hesitations, and ambiguity.”
This is exactly what’s happened to me, countless times. When they sense our enthusiasm and confidence they support us accordingly. If they are present to reflect back to us what our true intention is - that’s a great service they are fulfilling. Andrea I love how this article has instigated an intention investigation on my part. Thanks!
Thank you, Tom! Can I tell you how much I love the phrase “intention investigation”? Mind if I steal it?
That phrase created a whole other article in my head …
Blessings,
Andrea
Steal away my friend! I’m sure you’ll use it well. I’m looking forward to it.
Andrea,
I will send my clients to read this post. Telling your dreams to friends and family can definately kill the passion for the desire inside of you. I have noticed that often the dream is killed before we even share the idea. It’s killed in our own heads…before we ever utter a word about it, and then as you say: our doubts are mirrored back to us. It almost seems as if we are looking for collaborators for our doubts. “Please confirm my insecurity and unknowing about my desire,” seems to be a common unconscious intention for sharing. Although I don’t give advice, I usually gently suggest that it might not be in your best interest to share the desire until you have it firmly embedded in your own heart, then with conviction you can claim your right to go after what you want…not ask for permission! Lots could be said about fear of success around this topic. Thanks for your insight!
Andrea,
I will send my clients to read this post. Telling your dreams to friends and family can definately kill the passion for the desire inside of you. I have noticed that often the dream is killed before we even share the idea. It\’s killed in our own heads…before we ever utter a word about it, and then as you say: our doubts are mirrored back to us. It almost seems as if we are looking for collaborators for our doubts. \”Please confirm my insecurity and unknowing about my desire,\” seems to be a common unconscious intention for sharing. Although I don\’t give advice, I usually gently suggest that it might not be in your best interest to share the desire until you have it firmly embedded in your own heart, then with conviction you can claim your right to go after what you want…not ask for permission! Lots could be said about fear of success around this topic. Thanks for your insight!