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Spiritual Practice: Suffering Is Optional
The spiritual path takes discipline and determination. For most of our lives, our ego has been running the show and would like to stay in charge. The ego will talk us out of meditating, will tell us we are too tired for our yoga practice. It will tell us that we are too busy to attend a workshop, or shouldn’t invest money in a class on spirituality. As we shift our attention from ego to Spirit, our Spirit slowly asserts itself as the primary guiding force in our lives. This is the purpose of spiritual practice.
Discipline and determination are necessary. However, suffering is entirely optional!
Engaging in regular spiritual practice can be a real battle. The ego throws its tantrum - it tells us that tomorrow is a better day, that we deserve a day off. When we do meditate, for example, the ego can make us mentally or physically uncomfortable - our mind races, we feel anxious, and we squirm and twitch as we try to become still and focused. But underneath the discomfort, there is still a sense that we are doing something good for ourselves. Underneath the resistance, there is a quiet feeling of joy - we are doing it! We are allowing our Spirit to take a bigger role in our lives!
If that sense of joy and accomplishment isn’t there, then we’re just torturing ourselves.
There are many, many different spiritual traditions and practices. All of them are valuable - but not all of them are appropriate for everyone. To me, yoga is the spiritual practice equivalent of chocolate cake. On the other hand, I took six or seven Tai Chi classes and disliked every minute. As spiritual seekers we must learn to discern between resistance created by the ego, and truly unnecessary discomfort created by inappropriate spiritual practice. Only you can tell the difference.
In the summer of 2000, I went on a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat. Twelve hours or so of daily meditation and complete silence for ten days may sound like a nightmare to some. Twice a day we were asked to sit for an hour without moving a muscle. That sounds like torture, right? I found it unbelievable challenging. I also loved it! Even when I wanted to run screaming from the meditation hall, I knew that being there was making a huge difference. There was struggle, but I felt that the struggle had a purpose. And there were days where I was completely overwhelmed by bliss. I was in discomfort, but I was not suffering.
On the other hand, I was once asked by a spiritual teacher to engage in a practice that involved staying up all night, meditating. I was to do this once a week for four weeks in a row. It didn’t sound like fun, but I gamely gave it a try. By about 1 a.m., the whole exercise felt pointless. As prepared as I was to sacrifice a good night’s sleep, I felt stupid sitting there in the middle of the night. There was no joy, no sense of accomplishment. Staying up was feeling like needless self-torture. I went to bed, and never completed the assignment.
The idea that what we can only attain what we want through suffering prevails throughout our society. “No pain, no gain,” right? There are many religions and spiritual disciplines that uphold suffering as a path to God. If our spiritual practice is really difficult, then it must be working, right? That which does not kill us, makes us stronger! If we are not careful, we end up priding ourselves on what we’ve overcome for the sake of our spiritual growth. Suffering becomes a badge of honor.
We must remember that suffering is not the point! Yes, we can expect a certain amount of resistance from the ego. That resistance can look like emotional, mental, or physical discomfort. The ego challenges us and tests our will. On the spiritual path, this resistance may be the first and most obvious thing we encounter. And so we can easily come to equate this resistance and discomfort with spiritual growth.
But sometimes a spiritual practice simply makes us resistant and uncomfortable because it truly does not serve us! How can we know the difference?
1. Muster the discipline to give spiritual practice an honest try. The ego will try to talk you out of anything that allows Spirit to take charge of your life. Therefore, if you are highly resistant to a spiritual practice - meditation, tai chi, yoga, you name it - this may be caused by the ego. Do it anyway. Try it wholeheartedly. Observe the chatter in your mind: “This is stupid, I don’t like this, I’m bored and tired.” Your mind is going to say those things. Keep going anyway.
2. During your practice, you may feel emotionally stirred up. Sometimes negative emotions rise to the surface through spiritual practice. This can be uncomfortable. Keep going anyway.
3. Underneath all of this mental and emotional resistance, you will find a quiet, determined will to persevere. It may not be immediately obvious. It may take a few days of regular practice, even! But there it is - a peaceful oasis in the storm of resistance. There is certainty and joy here. As you continue your practice, this oasis expands and the storm diminishes. As you focus more and more on this certainty and joy, the storm of the ego becomes unimportant. It may still be there, but we don’t care. There is resistance - but there is no suffering.
OR
4. Underneath the mental and emotional resistance, there is a growing sense of dissatisfaction. You feel silly, maybe even a little stupid. You’d be happy to put up even with these sensations, but you simply cannot summon an inkling of satisfaction or joy. You feel as if you are not honoring who you are, or that you are doing yourself a disservice. If you continue, you will simply be suffering. This spiritual practice is not for you! You are not being lazy. You are not lacking courage. Quitting now means exercising spiritual discernment and taking responsibility for your own path.
Spiritual evolution means engaging in spiritual practice - but only if our practice truly serves our growth and expansion. Resistance is part of that growth. Suffering, on the other hand, is entirely optional.
Have you ever suffered through a spiritual practice because you thought it was “good” for you? What practices have you walked away from? Which ones have you embraced in spite of discomfort - and found joy? Leave your comments and share!
Blessings,
Andrea
Link Love:
My thanks to Carole of the Healthy Living Lounge for hosting my guest article “Come Home to Yourself.”
Jonathan Mead also wrote a terrific article on self-love - go check out “The Art of Self Loving; a Puja to Yourself.”
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April 27th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Andrea,
Your point of view may make some people uncomfortable, who think they must suffer (and be seen suffering! –verily, they have their reward.) Your point that we may “suffer” the squeals and complaints of the ego, but the inner urge to discover the Truth will over-ride them, and an interior assurance will comfort us, is true. I think there may be periods of darkness when we pass through clouds of negativity or confusion in which we may truly suffer, and we must be willing to endure them. But there are those who are perhaps a bit masochistic who must have suffering to feel they are accomplishing something. We need not join them.
Glad to read your enjoyable posting, as always.
April 27th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Andrea,
Great article! I say the same about life, in general - pain is inevitable (we’re human, it happens!) but suffering is optional (we’re more in charge of how much we suffer than most people realize.)
I agree with ReddyK, too. Some people are so identified with their drama they can’t imagine who they’d be without it.
Suzanne
April 28th, 2008 at 3:09 am
What a fantastic article, Andrea, thank you.
I had a little chuckle to myself when you mentioned the saying “what does not kill us, makes us stronger”… up until my early 20s, that was my mantra :). In my family of origin, stress became a competition (”You think you’re stressed?! You don’t know what stress is!”). It was a competition that I couldn’t win even though I certainly tried hard enough in those days (my mom’s stomach ulcer beat my spastic colon hands down every time!), and eventually I started to question just exactly what it was that I was trying to “win”. I decided to take myself out of the competition altogether, and explore other ways of living that brought me joy instead. It has been a journey that, as you so rightly point out, has involved discipline and determination, but which has also seen my self-imposed suffering diminish.
In terms of specific spiritual practices, I’ve also had to learn what works for me and what won’t work even if I stubbornly keep at it because I “should”. Yoga for me was one of those that I was attracted to, which involved discomfort and required discipline (I wasn’t very physically flexible to start off with, and still can’t get into even a half lotus position!) but which brought a calmness and serenity to my life which has been invaluable.
April 28th, 2008 at 6:40 am
Hi ReddyK - Thank you so much for your perspective! I was really interested in your take on this … it’s such a fine line between creating discipline and creating unnecessary difficulty!
Suzanne - “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional” - I love it!!! You’re totally right - it’s how we react to the pain that determines whether we suffer - or not! Let’s not!
Mags - A physical ailment competition in the family, huh? I know that probably wasn’t funny when you were going through it, but the way you write about it now is hysterical! Glad you stuck with yoga, even though it didn’t come easily. I feel that way about several meditation practices … there was a lot of initial discomfort, but through discipline, the benefits were revealed in due time. Then again, sometimes all we get is more discomfort … hee hee.
Blessings,
Andrea
April 28th, 2008 at 8:47 am
In a world that seems, to me, full of people who want you to believe that there is only one right way to exist, to reach spiritual clarity, it is refreshing to hear someone validate my feeling that you have to trust yourself rather than force yourself to try and bend in a way that doesn’t feel right. It sounds like everything else in life; what diet is correct for one person/creature doesn’t work for another, and some hobbies work out better for some people than others too. When we have to find what works for us in every other aspect of our lives, it sure makes sense for the spiritual to follow. =^–^= Thanks, Andrea.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I agree with Dreamsenshi above. There is no one right path. Suffering might be necessary for spiritual evolution for some, but not necessary for all. Great article.
Cheers,
Anmol
April 30th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Andrea,
I do think there are many ways in which people experience the conscious entrance into and continued participation in a spiritual practice. Certainly reading material written here can be included. Choosing to keep reading, keep opening and keeping open to ideas can be of great assistance.
It was my impression this evening as I scanned your article for the second time, you do offer a particular slice of what doing spiritual work can look like. I also think one of the overall ‘goals’ is balance, the balance that reveals the peace we all seek. I take the pieces you present, add it to what I already have integrated and continue to move along until I reach what is peaceful for me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I neither agree nor disagree with your premise, for that is not the issue. There will be others who present a completely opposite view to yours. Seeing your focus and theirs is part of weighing what feels right for me. I put it all into my mix.
I also think, whenever I am moved to comment it is because you have provided something I needed, that we have somehow shared in a valuable exchange.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:43 am
Hi Barbara - You’re right! Whether you agree or not is definitely not the issue. What’s really important is to find your own perspective - your own personal Truth. I agree it’s great to read and study lots of different perspectives, to find what resonates with you and what doesn’t. It’s one way to unlock your inner wisdom, which is the source of guidance we really need!
One of the important things to remember is that we have absolute choice over our perspective, which shapes our experience. We have to find the one that serves us best. And for some, the idea of suffering may work really, really well! It’s not “wrong” or “right” - but we must consider that we have a choice, and constantly evaluate whether our choice of perspective is working for us or against us.
The exchange of perspectives is always valuable - it keeps us open to that evaluation process! Thank you, I really value your comments!
Blessings,
Andrea
May 10th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Andrea…. Nice post. I followed you over from UrbanMonk. I have to agree with many of the commenters. We will suffer if that is our path. Yes, it is optional, but sometimes we have to really hit bottom to get the message. That said, a friend recently said to me that I don’t have to choose the hard way if I don’t want to. I could have a little more fun along the journey. Point well made. But still, is the journey up to “me”, the ego that wants everything to go its way? No, I don’t think so.
I’m going to read some of your other posts. Namaste.
May 16th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Suffering is a prerequisite for a real transformation.
May 17th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Andrea,
Nice article!
Certain spiritual techniques serve a definite purpose for the individual. Once the purpose of that technique has been fulfilled, it falls away. That is, you will not feel the need for that anymore. However, at this point the ego can act the opposite way. It will say things like, “You can’t stop doing the technique. If you do, it will be blasphemy against god or guru or so and so.” How will you know that the technique served its purpose? You have to question, “Does the technique come naturally as it used to? Does performing the technique now make me feel that I reached a plateau or that I should be doing more powerful? Or, does it creates a sense of dissatisfaction in me?” You have rethink. If the technique is trying to fall away by itself, then let it go, so that something new can come in and can help you further your spiritual development. If you don’t let go, then that will lead to suffering. This suffering could be a good lesson in “letting go” as well.
Additionally, there may come a time when you have to let go of your “physical” gurus (i.e. letting go of clinging to them) because you have reached a level of awareness that they cannot guide you anymore. A true teacher will know and tell you that. If you don’t let go, again you will suffer, because you are denying the freedom that is arising within you.
Ego is a double edged sword!
Thanks,
Desika
May 18th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Svetlana - Whatever we believe is true!
Desika - You are absolutely right - the ego can as much resist a spiritual technique as get attached to one. It takes much awareness to remain detached, even from aspirations of spiritual “advancement.” Thanks for bringing your perspective into this discussion!
Blessings,
Andrea
May 18th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Hi Andrea,
Thank you for responding!
Yes, it is correct, whatever we believe is true (to us)!
The truth is, it is much more complicated then we think. If we sincerely believe that what we believe is true (as everyone does, of course), then we will not be inclined to look any deeper into the issue.
It suggests that we may have reasons for adopting beliefs that have nothing to do with the truth of those beliefs. What are those reasons? I’ll leave it up to you.
I didn’t mean “suffering” as in turning your life into suffering. I understand reaction of some people to my comment. We all want to be happy, right?
Happiness is not a feeling; it is a state of mind.
May 18th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
One more comment
Suffering or Pain (it is the same) is a result of resistance; resistance is what holds up this physical world.
Everyone got a piece of truth; the ultimate truth is not spoken. The ultimate Truth can be realized only through meditation, and not theorizing. Everyone is an expression of the universal source, which means there is no wrong path.
Enjoyed your article and readers’ comments
Great Job!
There was a need to speak up, so I did.
Love
Svetlana
May 18th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Hi Svetlana - I’m thrilled you’re commenting here. I’m all for speaking up!!!
I would go so far as to say that there are absolutely no “true” or “false” beliefs. There are only beliefs that serve us. For example, if you believe that all real transformation must include suffering, then this perspective will shape the experiences you attract, and the belief will be “true.” Beliefs are self-affirming by their very nature. Like you say, there are no “wrong” paths anyway. We’re all just expressing our little piece of Truth, which is just as true as everyone else’s piece of Truth. And if we’re lucky, we get to share our little piece with others!
I think rather than asking “Is this belief true?” it is far more helpful to ask “Is this belief serving me right now?”
I agree that in the end, we are seeking an experience, not a theory. If we can “only” get there through meditation or not … I don’t know! I certainly meditate, but I must assume that there are lots of paths.
Keep the comments coming!
Blessings,
Andrea
June 27th, 2008 at 10:43 am
What is the purpose of suffering? I have endured a spiritual practice for many years and have serious doubts. I fear that in the west we tend to “systemize” our practice via meditation, prayer, or ritual. A practice that is repetitive seems to cut us off from spiritual growth at some point. How can we practice with an openness to change and growth? It appears that the methods are more domineering than the original inspiration that created the methods. Religious wars and bickering is worse than ever today. Are we battling to maintain a system in spiritual practice or listening to our feelings to know when to let go of a practice? Our ego may be fighting to maintain a spiritual regimen.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Cali,
A wise person once said, “The desire for God is the way to God.” If this is present, any method can work, though not all methods are equal. If it is absent, methods alone won’t do it. Fostering of desire for God, and the elimination of that which quenches that laudable desire, is the way to success, whatever the technique employed.
What are your thoughts, Andrea?
June 29th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Cali - Like you, I don’t believe that spiritual practice is something that we have to “endure.” Sure, spiritual practice requires effort and discipline, but suffering? I don’t think so. I think you’re right in that our spiritual practice needs to evolve as we do. On the other hand, we can also easily fall prey to jumping from one practice to the next because we’re not truly dealing with the resistance that may arise. But that’s exactly why I’m such a proponent of intuitive development. It’s a way to receive accurate information from our Higher Self about what is truly needed on our spiritual path, rather than just blindly following a teacher or practice without discernment.
ReddyK - I agree completely! Spiritual practice isn’t a mechanical process - I think a passion or love for experiencing the Divine has to be part of the mix. I wonder though … in desire for God, isn’t there also attachment to achieving that experience? Can we become too attached to enlightenment and actually push that experience further away through desire?
I think maybe we have to practice meditation for the love of spiritual practice, without attachment to any specific outcome? I’d love to know what you think about desire and attachment when it comes to spiritual practice!
Blessings,
Andrea