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How to deal with negative people
In the last two posts, I discussed the nature of negative energy and the Souls that have a negative energetic orientation. So how do we deal with these negative people in our lives? As Lightworkers, we attract them because we have the energetic resources they crave. And when they are in our lives, these negative people can become tremendously draining. They distract us from aligning with our highest path and purpose. They create negativity in our lives. They make us question ourselves and our good intentions. Here are some strategies on how to deal with negative people:
1. Acknowledge that the negativity is indeed coming from someone else. It’s not the most immediate consideration that comes to mind. Most of us Lightworkers are ready and willing to take responsibility for whatever is creating discomfort in our lives. But ask yourself whether it really is you - or is it simply something that you are being manipulated into believing? Ask yourself: “What if this isn’t coming from me?”
Negativity has a way of making itself known, but it may be subtle at first. You may feel as if something is just a little “off.” Perhaps you feel a person isn’t being honest or is subtly manipulating you, but you cannot rationalize the feeling. Honor your instincts. The mind is usually the last to recognize truly negative behavior.
2. Do not try to make negative people see the error of their ways! Do not do battle. Fighting negativity gives it power and strength. By turning negative energies into something that you must struggle against, you are giving negative people in your life all your attention. Energy follows thought. Remember that what negative people or Souls want are your energetic resources. The more you dwell on them and how negative they are, the more they receive what they want. This includes giving them energy in order to “help” them when they do not truly want assistance. If you are a service-oriented, helpful person (like most Lightworkers!), always remember that your job is only to open the door. If a person truly desires your assistance, they will walk through of their own accord.
3. Pay close attention to the “tapes” running in your own head over the situations created by negative people in your life. Some of these tapes may go like this: “I can’t believe how unfairly I’m being treated. How could he lie to me like that? Obviously he is terribly undeserving. I’m going to show him! I’m going to walk right up and say blablabla, because that’s what he really needs to hear. No, I’m going to do even better. I’m not going to talk to him at all anymore … let’s see how he likes that” and so on and so forth. See how much mental energy you are sending the other person?
The trick here is mental discipline. Stop those thought patterns. Turn your thoughts to the present moment, because chances are that the present moment is actually quite lovely. The present moment often has very little negativity contained in it, unless we are dealing with the negative people in that very moment. But most of us spend tremendous amounts of time dwelling on these people - and so they become a true obstacle, a negative force in our lives. Turn your thoughts instead towards what brings you joy.
This is another area where a regular meditation practice comes in very handy. Check out my video series on meditation to find out more!
Remember that negative people thrive on the energy we send them. Stop sending them energy, and the negativity will initially increase in an effort to regain our attention. This is the part where we have to be extremely disciplined. Continue to pay no attention, and the negativity will cease. This is not easy, but negative people often seem to disappear of their own accord when we no longer give them attention.
4. Focus on the resolution. Negative people are in your life. Let’s say that you have a manipulative, controlling boss. If you focus on this obstacle, you give the obstacle your energy. Can you instead imagine a situation where the obstacle is resolved? Can you focus your attention past the obstacle towards the resolution? Imagine if this person had no power, no control over you whatsoever. Imagine if they had no impact. Yes, this is your boss. Does that mean she has to affect your level of happiness and satisfaction? Negative people only have the power, the control, the impact on our lives that we allow them to have. So focus on the resolution of the situation. What will that be like?
5. How the situation is resolved is, as always, not up to you! Your job is to focus towards the positive resolution of having successfully dealt with the negative people in your life. You can direct your energy towards the negativity that is your boss - or you can focus your energy on a new work situation with a fantastic boss who appreciates and supports you. The “how” of that situation is not up to you. If you’re guided to apply for a new job, you should of course do that. But the intention is set, and the Universe will conspire to assist you.
Sometimes we have no idea how a situation with a negative person could possibly be resolved. If this is a family member, a spouse, or parent, we can’t simply walk away! Again, the “how” is not up to us. Miraculous things happen when we focus away from the problem and towards the solution.
6. Ask your Spirit Guides and Angels to transmute all negativity within the relationship to Divine Love before releasing it back to Source. This includes both the negative energy coming from the other person and the negativity the situation is creating within you. This is a powerful prayer request! We don’t want the negative energy affecting us. We don’t want it in the world affecting other people, either. We also don’t just want to send it away - we want it transmuted to Divine Love. Then we ask that it be released back to Divine Source.
Many Lightworker Souls will try to undertake this transmutation themselves. Hand it over to your Spirit Guides and Angels instead. Turning negativity into Love is energetic alchemy. Do not use your own energy to do this, because that would involve receiving that negativity first. Once again, your job is to set the intention. The “how” of this alchemy is not up to you.
This practice alone is incredibly powerful and effective. You may want to ask for assistance with this transmutation every morning, if you live with a negative Soul. Or perhaps you may want to ask before every interaction with this person. Miraculous shifts occur when you ask for this assistance!
7. A lot of people will visualize a white light around them for protection and so forth. Again, this is an act of resistance. By saying that we need protection, we are giving negative energy power. We don’t want to protect ourselves - we want to disallow the energy in our lives. It’s a subtle difference of intent, but it makes a huge difference. So if you surround yourself with white light, do so with the intention of disallowing all negative energy from entering your auric field.
From time to time, Lightworkers will ask me what they can do to turn negative Souls back to a path of Light. Remember that a path of Light is always available to everyone, no matter their current energetic orientation. But we cannot make someone else’s choices for them, no matter how much we love or care for them. The best we can do is live our Light and set a shining example. In order to do that, we must disallow their negativity from our lives. We can in many ways energetically “starve” them of our attention so that their only resource is to receive energy from Divine Source. But we cannot make it our life’s work to “save” or “turn around” negative people and Souls. This would be a distraction from our own highest path and purpose, and this is exactly what negative forces on our planet are after! This is, perhaps, the greatest lesson for Lightworkers on our planet today.
How do you deal with the negative people and Souls in your life? Leave a comment and share!
Blessings,
Andrea
March 27th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Andrea,
Very insightful advice. Dealing with negativity through more negativity only strenghtens it.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Hi Andrea - happy to be back visiting your blog again. I haven’t read your other posts on this topic but I thought of a couple of things while reading this one. The first thought is:
You say, “A lot of people will visualize a white light around them for protection and so forth. Again, this is an act of resistance. By saying that we need protection, we are giving negative energy power.” I thought this distinction was interesting between protection and disallowing negative energy. I never realized there was a difference. Thank you for pointing this out. I’m sure it does make a difference. I’ll keep this in mind when I’m led to use this the next time.
Secondly, when you say, “Continue to pay no attention, and the negativity will cease”, I have tried to do this most of my life. I guess it’s part of my personality to allow people to be what they’re going to be but I am learning that I’ve needed to adjust it somewhat. Before, I would let a lot of things roll over me and those things that didn’t I would change my thoughts as you mentioned above or keep it to myself while praying for them or for whatever the situation is about. But, what I’m learning from reading Tolle’s book is that for me this is not necessarily the best way to handle things. First of all, when I don’t say anything I have just pushed it down and it comes back stronger later and when I do say something I’m only adding to the negative energy. What I’m learning to do, as you mentioned above, is to not only change the thought but suspend my opinions and desires and observe the thoughts and the situation knowing this not who I am and not who they are. Along with that observe my feelings and emotions and what triggers are going on and sit with it, not engaged with it or attached, just observing. This heals me and those involved and the situation and releases it so it’s energy diminishes and when it is triggered again it’s not as powerful. This is part of the awakening and living in the present moment. There is so much more to it than that but at least it gives some idea to what I’m learning and to what I wanted to point out.
Wow! I didn’t mean to write so much about this. Hope it was clear enough that others understand. It’s has been more intuitively feeling my way through this and I haven’t put this part to words very much, at least this way.
Thanks Andrea - I tried to sign up for your teleclass but I guess I missed it - your full - and for a while. Hopefully, I’ll get back in sometime.
Blessings,
March 27th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Thanks! Some pointers that are new to my way of thinking and some that are known and yet not always observed. In my post on your last post, I mentioned my mom. She has, of course, been trying to “work” me through emails since our visit last month. I have answered a few, others I put away till I feel I have the energy to read them and then reply or not. I have worked with her on so many things for so many years, as my brother says, it feels like there is no hope that she will change. I always feel hope for her, yet, she leaves a path of destruction throughout our family. My son recently asked me, “Why does she always use guilt?” He is 31 and simply does not communicate with her because of this factor. I will always feel sorry (?) for her, because she drives those that love her, away. Yet, You are correct, it is her choice to use negs to operate in her life and so, since it is her choice to do so, I make it my choice to avoid her unless I feel I have enough energy available to participate with her. Lousy way to feel about a mom, yet, Negs come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life, don’t they? So……..Live & Love & Seek Light…..Selah
March 28th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Andrea, thank you for this guidance.
I’ve found that it has been far easier to put these kinds of strategies into place with the various negative acquaintances/colleagues that I’ve encountered than it has been with a couple of family members of mine (of the generation above me). I think one of the difficulties has been identifying them as negative souls in the first place (your point 1), partly because of always being taught to respect and trust my elders when I was young, even if they didn’t seem to be behaving very nicely ;). Then of course, followed a period of trying to “fix” them and “help” them - to no avail of course!
I also think that your point about how negativity first increases as these souls try to regain our attention is an excellent one. Certainly it is something that I didn’t realise at first, and I would often fall for it completely. It felt like playing a tennis match, where they hit a ball of negative energy at me and I was able to lob it away easily at first. But then the balls would come harder and faster until I felt bombarded and just collapsed under the weight right back into that negative place alongside them :). I used to try using a shield, but it just never felt right and was very obviously not working for me. I loved the way you described it as another form of resistance. I’m still learning more every day about disallowing the energy, and getting better at it. I’ve also learned to spot the pattern when it starts, and realise that the energy increasing is precisely the point at which I need to keep on doing what I’m doing - rather than it being a sign that I’m failing at dealing with the negativity, it’s actually a sign that my strategy is working! I just need to stick with it over that hurdle!
Thanks again, Andrea. (PS, thanks too for the Stumble!)
March 28th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Hi Andrea,
This topic certainly hits home for me. After so recently severing my compassionate connections, I am still trying to learn how to keep them severed! I am still struggling with balancing love and support without jumping back into trying to spiritually force my loved ones to accelerate their growth to where I want them to be. Are the negative entities that attach themselves to us and those we love the reason the connection is made in the first place? Or do we do it because spiritually we aren’t advanced enough to realize that each soul is responsible for their own growth?
Debbie Atwell
March 28th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Vitor - Thank you!
Pat - Thank you so much for your insightful comment. You’re right, of course. There’s a huge difference between pushing our reactions down and suppressing them … and honestly remaining non-reactive to the very emotions and thoughts that negativity creates within us.
Negativity works to separate us from our Divinity by having us identify with our ego instead. Negativity will always strive to set off thought patterns, negative emotions, etc. that give the ego “food” to thrive on. So when we disidentify with our thoughts and emotions by observing them, they pass through us rather than strengthening the ego Self. So “pay no attention” is really short for “don’t let your ego get a hold of the negativity and use it to strengthen itself.”
I’m glad you clarified!
Sorry my class was full … I’m going to do another series beginning in May! Hope you’ll join me then …
Victoria - It’s really, really hard when the negativity comes from a close family member. There’s a lot in our society that says we “shouldn’t” feel a certain way about our parents. I’m thrilled for you that you are realizing that she is making a choice - and you cannot help her change that choice except by disallowing her from affecting you the way she has been. You can feel compassion for her (watch out for pity, though! it’s not the same thing), and at the same time not condone her negativity in your own thoughts and heart. It takes strength, for sure - but it will be worth it.
Mags - I’m so glad you’re bringing up that typical journey a Lightworker goes through when confronted with negative Souls. The first stage is disbelief, the second stage is attempting to help or fix. Lots of us get stuck right there! Good for you to recognize that you had to move forward!
You may also find that these negative people come a-calling in your life when you’re at the edge of expansion into something bigger and better. I STILL notice that pattern in my own life. Just when I make a bold move that lets my Light shine brighter, negativity will try to get my attention. I just notice it and see it as a bit of a compliment these days.
But you’re right - there’s a hurdle that we have to overcome. We take a stand and then things actually seem to get worse for a while. If we recognize what’s going on, we can get through that phase. This is usually followed by peace … aaaah.
Debbie - great question. Compassionate connections are actually created by us because we want to “help” but don’t know how to do it appropriately. They are not created by negative attachments. It’s an extreme version of the “helping” phase … but often compassionate connections are made with positive Souls who are just not working as hard as we are. I have an article on this blog called Leading Horses to Water that you might like!
Thank you all so much for adding your comments!
Blessings,
Andrea
March 28th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
You may also find that these negative people come a-calling in your life when you’re at the edge of expansion into something bigger and better. I STILL notice that pattern in my own life. Just when I make a bold move that lets my Light shine brighter, negativity will try to get my attention.
I find this pattern to be bizarre. Why would letting our light shine attract negativity? Doesn’t this contradict the Law of Attraction? I am not saying this pattern is not real. I do believe it is real, but it seems to be a glitch in the Law of Attraction. I understand intellectually that if you have something other people do not have, then you could attract negativity from people who are insecure, unhappy, et cetera, but metaphysically I would think that the positive energy of making yourself better would keep negative people away. Of course, when you live in higher frequency you are better able to “brush aside” people who live in lower frequencies.
March 29th, 2008 at 5:30 am
How do I deal with negative folks in my life? I usually just remove myself from their presence. I know you said that we can’t do this with family members and it is challenging. But I found that I could. For 18 months I declined all family invitations form a certain in-law. That time allowed me to see how I was resisting her ways.
After the break from her energy, she hasn’t changed but her craziness no longer sets off anything within me. Thus no attention equals no resistance and I’m immune!
I really like your tip of asking our guides to transmute the negative energy. That seems like a lot less work than the way I’ve done it in the past.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:34 am
Hi Ryan - thanks for your very insightful comment. There are a lot of negative influences on our planet that are highly invested in keeping us from fully aligning with our own Divine Light. So when our Light starts shining really brightly, we attract some negative attention. Truly, negative forces try to willfully get in our way! At the level of the Law of Attraction … well, there are always pieces of ourselves (mostly the ole’ ego at work) that resist the expansion taking place. The ego has to move aside and allow the wisdom of the Higher Self to take over. I think this is what allows for these periods of negative “attack” at the vibrational level.
As we stick to our guns, however, the Law of Attraction does also counter this phenomenon. Negativity falls away, or manifests itself only as minor annoyance. The last time I launched a new venture that felt big and expansive to me, I had all kinds of technical issues - one of my email accounts was mysteriously canceled, emails were not reaching me, and my voice recorder got hopelessly and inexplicably screwed up. It all took time and attention - but I’ve seen this pattern often enough that I know what I’m dealing with.
I hope that makes more sense … no “glitches” in the L o A!
Tom - Removal is definitely an effective way to go … if you can manage it. And a period of absence can totally hit the “reset” button and shift your perspective so that you’re no longer affected by certain people. Do let me know how working with your Guides works for you … whether the lack of effort pays off!
Blessings,
Andrea
June 19th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Pat, what you described is the difference between denial (hoping if you leave it alone and it will quit bothering you) and detachment (letting go of what has been bothering you whether the issue is still there or not, no longer being affected by it). It took me 10 years of cutting myself off from my dad’s family to realize that my incest issues weren’t going away just because I was ignoring them by having no contact with family. That 10 years just added more layers of hurt that I had to deal with and it also cut me off from the love of aunts and uncles and grandparents that might would have helped. The mind goes to great lengths to not deal with its own pain.
A friend tells me when I have a headache to put my hand in front of the area where the pain is and to ask, “Is this mine or does it belong to someone else?” As lightworkers we often knowingly and sometimes unknowingly take on the pain of others, especially those we love. If it isn’t your pain, give it back.
Andrea, this is a great article with lots of ideas that makes me think things anew. Thanks.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Patricia, I love that process to determine if the pain is ours or someone else’s! That one is new to me, and sparked a lot of thought - thank you for sharing it here!
Blessings,
Andrea