Are you too responsible?
Posted on March 12, 2008
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Spiritual Development |
A sense of responsibility is generally a good thing. Most of us who are actively pursuing our spiritual development know that we are responsible as the Creators of our experience. We look at the events we attract, and learn about ourselves through the mirror of our life circumstances. We recognize that inner growth is necessary for change to occur on the outside.
When things go wrong, the first place we look is usually inward. What can we do to take greater responsibility, to attract new circumstances, to shift events towards the positive? This is a wonderful, responsible, mature attitude. If there is trouble in our relationships, if there is discord at work, if our business falls apart, we look within. And at the same time, it can lead to a very special sort of self-centeredness. Everything is up to us. Everything becomes our responsibility. And we begin to like it that way, because if it is up to us, then we are also empowered to create the changes we want to see. If it is ours, then we can “fix” it.
We cannot forget, however, that we share our lives with others who are also creating their experience. Some of these people would like us take on their responsibilities as our own. Some of these people even work with negative energy. They enjoy watching us try to take responsibility for the negativity they are sending our way.
Let’s say, for example, that you have a boss who is working with the energies of fear and control. You are lied to, manipulated, and fear for your job. Where is your responsibility? It is in examining why you attracted this situation. Your responsibility is in learning the lessons that are contained within these circumstances. But is it your responsibility to change the lying, manipulative behavior? No.
If you are an introspective, responsible Lightworker, you may at first ask yourself whether your perception of this behavior is even real. At first, you may wish to deny that this negativity is even taking place. You’ll try to rationalize your experiences. Perhaps you’ll even find fault with your own behavior. You will try to communicate more effectively. You will work incredibly hard to behave in a way that elicits honesty and respect. And still, your efforts will fail to create different results. At some point you have to recognize that, while you may have attracted this situation for a good reason, it is not your responsibility to “fix” it. It is your responsibility, however, to disallow this kind of negativity in your life. This may mean leaving this job. You may not want to, but if the lesson has been learned, the situation has no further value for you. You cannot change it, because you cannot change someone else’s behavior.
Lightworkers will often stay, and keep wondering what deep mechanism within us is attracting negative circumstances. We wrestle with ourselves, we beat our heads against the wall. And if we stay, the lesson becomes this: We are not responsible for everything. People are responsible for their own choices, even if that choice is not to be responsible. People will sometimes even try to interfere with our free will through negativity. We cannot make those types of choices be about us. If we are, we are effectively disempowering another – even if they are working with negativity. We are taking responsibility for what is not ours.
The modality of ho’oponopono teaches us that we have to clear the resonances of all the negativity we see in our lives within ourselves. Violence we watch on the news, disrespect we see in our child or spouse, an act of unkindness we see at the grocery store – we acknowledge that, because we are all One, the energetic vibrations of what we see also exist within us. And we can address these energies, so that after a while, we do not even notice negativity around us any more.
But does that mean we are creating or working with those negative energies, those resonances? I don’t think so. We can address negativity within ourselves, but we also have to recognize that we live in a world where many people actively work with fear, anger, control, hatred, guilt, blame and shame in order to get what they want. And if we are prone to taking responsibility for everything, we think that the manifestations of these energies are ours. We think there is something within us that needs fixing. Sometimes, it’s just not true. We’re responsible for our choices, our own life lessons. When we understand what we have attracted, when make choices that are aligned with Light and have learned our lessons, then we have to realize that our work is done.
Are you overstepping the boundaries of responsibility in your life? Are you trying to “fix” what is not within the realm of your choices? Take a deep breath, and have the courage to let yourself off the hook. You are not responsible for everything.
Blessings,
Andrea
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
Comments
9 Responses to “Are you too responsible?”
Leave a Reply
-
Intuitive Development Audio Program
-
Develop Your Intuition!
Great post. I guess what you mean is that this world we live in is not, and not meant to be, perfect, and we are not gods. I can work on my energy, focus on the good, and . . . well, when a ball comes my way with all these effort, I might as well dodge. The jerk who threw that ball has his right to learn things in his way and timing.
Andrea,
Thank you for this insightful and timely post. This issue is a big one for many of us, especially we of the “female lightworker” persuasion. We tend to take on the problems of the world because we are so empathic and caring. When we see all of these problems, we initially feel a sense of powerlessness. And when we try to “help”, we gain a certain sense of power, which can create a “self-centeredness” that we aren’t even conscious of. Seeing that and then letting ourselves off the hook is a process whereby we eventually must come to see ourselves not as “special”, but as equal in evey way to everyone else, and that is very difficult for many of us to do. But isn’t that the end result of spiritual growth after all; the understanding that we are all One?
Blessings,
Mary
Andrea, yes this whole responsibility thing can be taken way too far. Especially when someone throws this judgment our way. “Look what you’ve attracted.” As if we aren’t already looking at it, perhaps too much. Yep, it’s ours to see the projection and the lesson but that’s enough. See it and let it go. Acceptance that some folks are just where they are and it’s theirs to deal with is a mighty fine place to reach.
Andrea,
I like that you tied the concept of responsibility to “overstepping boundaries.”
You don’t have control over other people, even when your desire to “fix” them is benevolently motivated. Not only is a losing prospect for everyone involved, the “overstepping” here is behaving in a way that reflects a belief that another person is not powerful, doesn’t need to experience power on their own, and is the only person who can make those changes. So, in a way, “fixing” people denies their power.
I would say that lightworkers are by definition highly empathic. Empathy is probably the most prevalent, most powerful psychic ability, yet it is also the easiest to overlook or misinterpret. It is so easy for lightworkers to absorb emotional energy from other people and compartmentalize it as their own.
The best and perhaps only course of action, in my opinion, if you are motivated to help someone else empower herself, is to show her what YOU look like acting from that place of personal empowerment - leading by example.
Akemi - love that analogy! Yes, we need to dodge and not spend our energy trying to teach people who have no interest in being taught.
Mary - I totally agree with you. I think some of us actually go into “helping” mode eternally to feel important, to feel useful, and sometimes even to distract ourselves from our own issues. Sometimes we don’t even realize that it’s become easier to address the lives of others than our own. And at the same time, the motivation behind it all is entirely wonderful! It’s all a matter of finding that balance of where our responsibilities begin and end - not easy to do!
Tom - Great point! It’s like the world is full of two kinds of people - those who really, really need to hear “Why did you attract this?” because they’re not taking any responsibility, and those who actually judge themselves too harshly by what they’ve attracted! And those of us working in personal/spiritual development tend to be the latter …
Slade - Thanks as always for adding your perspective! I agree that we Lightworkers tend to “take on” so much empathetically that isn’t actually ours to deal with. And I’ve always held that “helping” can easily turn into disempowerment - the assumption that people need us to help them. That can get pretty self-centered, too!
The great thing about living and leading by example is that is forces us into excellent self-care, and close examination of those boundaries.
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea - taking on too much responsibility is something a lot of us tend to do. It’s discerning what is going on in our lives and being present. Sometimes you can have chaos going on all around you yet you feel peaceful and steady in the midst of it. Each situation is definitely different but I agree we need to be aware of what is happening, where it is coming from and what to do.
Thanks for another great post!
Andrea-Thanks for using a Job as an example! When I put my present relationship in the blank instead, I gain a new understanding and perspective to it. I could leave a Job if the situation presented itself as the above, yet, the relationship I am in, which is in so many ways like the Job scenario, seems so difficult to just say, Fini’.
Thanks for a bit more steam towards Self Empowerment and a more reasonable perspective on my issues.
I began realizing He had no desire for taking resposibility in our “US” just recently, he said he had put enough work into it and that was that. Pretty doggone clear! So I kept working on “US” anyway, even enter the word “counseling” into a coversation, silly me. Since January, with my Newme program, I have begun to release and release from holding myself responsibile for the “US” and more for just me and have seen now how many things I was doing and have been expected to do to keep him happy with “US”. Before the standback approach, I just kept trying to find ways to fix it all. Now, with some deep meditation and sharing with my G&G”s, (Guides&Guardians), and with this post added in for emphasis, I am on my way to some mental freedom, for the first time in years. What began as a wonderfilled time has turned into constant work to keep someone content, and myself half crazy. What a shift I can make now if I can keep my mind tuned into “What if this were a job? Would You Stay???” Ha! NoWayHosea!! Thanks again!!
Al-Anon taught me that I am not responsible for anyone but myself. My actions are the only ones that I can change. One wise lady helped me stop being super-responsible with my husband and kids when she said that I was, by my actions, telling them that they were too stupid to do things for themselves. That got my attention. That was not what I wanted them to think at all. In fixing, I was hurting them and their self-esteem which was the last thing that I wanted to do to my husband or my kids.
Pat - I love your comment! Awareness of “what is happening and where it is coming from” - that’s just perfect. If we can practice a little non-reaction (which can be very challenging!) then we can observe events with much more clarity and see what is truly within the scope of our responsibility.
Victoria - Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences here! I love your analogy between a job and a relationship. It’s so true - sometimes we’d leave a job in a heart-beat, but when we encounter the same issues within a relationship, we stay and try to “fix” it. I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head here - a relationship is co-created. We can’t be responsible for one all by ourselves, and so if both parties don’t bring the same levels of responsibility to the table, it can get rough. I wish you many blessing, clarity, and strength. Love that you call them the “G&G’s!” Keep listening for their guidance, and things will keep getting clearer!
Patricia - You bring up such a good point! I always think it truly is an act of disempowerment when we try to take responsibility for others. That was one wise lady! Of course, as a parent, I think this is going to be one of the most challenging things to do - to give more and more responsibility to our kids, even if it means they fall down once in a while. We just have to give each other the dignity of our own learning experiences.
Blessings,
Andrea