Is judgment all bad? I don’t think so …

Posted on September 21, 2007
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Releasing Limiting Beliefs, Spiritual Development |

Let’s face it, we are all constantly in a state of evaluating the world around us. Just by deciding what we are going to have for breakfast, we are weighing our options, dismissing those that do not appeal to us, and eventually coming to a conclusion about what to eat this morning. We are always in the process of reacting to the world by saying: “Yes, I like this” and “No, I don’t like that,” even if that opinion is valid only in that very moment. Judgment is very much an integrated part of the human experience. We judge what suits us and what doesn’t, and interact with our reality accordingly. When it comes to other people’s behavior, we have a field day. Aren’t we always looking at other people’s lives, thinking “Wow, I wish I could be more like that” or “I would never, ever choose that for myself” and a million other judgments? We love measuring our own choices against those of the people around us, evaluating, condoning, condemning.

I don’t actually think that this is all negative. We can learn so much from other people’s choices and their consequences. We watch our loved ones, our friends and family and co-workers and bosses. We evaluate their choices, their actions and words, and try to make better decisions based on what we observe. And along the way we judge others as having made mistakes, as having chosen inappropriate words, as having a belief structure that does not serve them. By observing the differences between us and other people, we learn more about ourselves. This process of evaluation or judgment is part of how we grow and learn in relationship with each other.

For example, we may hear someone voice a belief. We immediately go into evaluation mode - do we agree or don’t we? Whether we do or don’t, we may find our own beliefs strengthened. If we’re not sure, we may try the belief on for size to see how it resonates with us. We may then discard it, or incorporate it into our own belief structure. Either way, we expand further into our own Truth.

When does judgment become negative? As I’ve listened to my own evaluations and judgments present in my inner dialog, I’ve been pondering at what point judgment interferes with our growth. When does “good judgment” go “bad?” Here’s what I’ve come up with so far …

Negative judgments cause us to try to impose our Truth upon another. We invalidate another’s frame of reference, their belief system, even their life experiences. We feel that we have “the” one and only Truth, and everyone who disagrees is just plain wrong. Perhaps we even need to help them see the error of their ways and convert them to our way of thinking - for their own good, of course.

Positive judgments, on the other hand, can allow us to have differing opinions. We can be completely at odds with someone else’s point of view. But we still recognize that their Truth is as true for them as ours is for us. The only Truth we can judge is our own. Does this mean we all quietly hold on to our Truth and never disagree with one another? As far as I’m concerned, debating the merits of various Truths allows us to try on what might fit our reality, and what doesn’t. But instead of saying “You’re wrong,” we can say “I do not agree.” We share our perspective instead of attacking someone else’s.

Negative judgments cause us to condemn another’s choices. In fact, we think it is our job to stop them from making “wrong” choices to begin with. We interfere “on their behalf.” Again, we tell ourselves this is for their own good.

Positive judgments allow us to witness another’s choices and disagree with them. We understand, however, that they are the expert and authority in their lives. We may not condone their choice, but we bless it anyway. In this way, we honor each other as the Creators of our respective experiences. We can look at someone else’s creation and say “I would never choose that for myself.” But we do not negate their right to choose it, based on our perspective.

Negative judgment leads us to think we know what is “best” for others. We think we know more about their path than they themselves do. We try to do their work for them. We freely tell them what to do, and even hold ourselves responsible for the outcomes of their actions.

Positive judgment allows us to acknowledge the difference between lending assistance and enabling another. We understand that we cannot do another’s growth or lessons for them. While we may think that someone is on a path of lack, or self-destruction, or guilt, we cannot know what experiences they need in order to grow and learn. Perhaps a loved one does have to be smacked upside the head with life’s great big stick before they can move forward within a life lesson. Perhaps what we view as a negative choice will have remarkable consequences for them down the road. Either way, we must all learn our own lessons and do our own work. We can apply judgment to discerning what is our work, and what is not.

So, if you find yourself wondering whether you are being judgmental, ask yourself if you are applying judgment in a positive way, to assist your own growth and learning. Or are you imposing your judgment on another? Disagreeing with someone else’s choices, beliefs, or attitudes is not a bad thing. As human beings, we are hard-wired to have opinions. It is the energy with which we meet another person’s choices, beliefs and attitudes that determine whether we are falling into negative judgment.

What are your thoughts about judgment? Is being in a state of non-judgment even possible while in a human experience?

Blessings,
Andrea Hess

Comments

7 Responses to “Is judgment all bad? I don’t think so …”

Christos Sophia on September 21st, 2007 1:33 pm

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Judge, and be prepared to be judged.

Which is true?

Judge not the person, but their words and deeds. Judge another’s words and deeds, and be prepared to have your own words and deeds judged. In judging another’s words and deeds, perhaps discernment is a better, less judgmental word to use. But then, the term judgment is so much quicker and carries a certain amount of gravity that discernment just does not have. Stripped of its tone of condemnation, perhaps judgment is not such a bad word after all. But then, in this dance called life, where we have the finesse to respond rather than react, perhaps judgment becomes unnecessary, to be replaced by preference: I prefer this and I prefer that. But then, who’s afraid of being made a fool? Who’s afraid of losing everything they have? Who’s afraid of being hurt or harmed? Who’s afraid of death?
Andrea on September 22nd, 2007 6:35 am

Thanks for the comment, Christos. I agree that we often associate judgment with condemnation. I wonder where judgment has gotten such negative connotations from?

From the dictionary: Judgment: the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion. I think we tend to associate the word negatively - to be judged means to be held in a negative opinion. Of course, we can also judge something or someone to be the greatest thing since sliced bread!

I like the word “discernment,” too. Discernment: the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure. But I think judgment is a part of being human, and positive judgment is a necessary part of discerning (aha!) our own personal Truth … maybe we can transcend judgment through its acceptance?

Blessings,
Andrea
Liara Covert on September 30th, 2007 8:13 am

I like the word suggestion of “discern.” It makes sense in the context of heightened awareness. To me, judgement is like taking a step backward during a quest to remember what we are.

Whenever I judge, I sense it distracts me from my focus. As I sharpen my senses and discern clearer, I marvel as I discover other tools that help me sort out what is true from what is false in my own mind. To decondition myself from automatic judgement enables me to hear a stronger inner voice that I had stifled before. Incredible!
Tuan on October 5th, 2007 12:53 pm

Judgement isn’t bad but it does skew our perception from seeing the real thing.

I love avocado, I try to make my daughter to eat it. She refuse to try because it’s green and she doesn’t like to eat anything that is green. I ask her if she ever try the avocado, she said no. I ask her again, how does she know its taste even if she never tries one before. She told me just because she doesn’t like it.

Judgement is very much like that, we made up our mind that how thing should be before we actually experience the real stuff. Living without judgement encourages us to experience our life fully. Every step of the way is full of excitement and adventure. How do we know the stove is hot if we don’t touch it? If we decide that the stove is hot then we would never know what hot mean beside just word?

Judgement also brings fear into our lives. We’re afraid to experience this and that just because it is bad. How do we know it is bad if we’ve never tried it. And guilt, why should we have it if we don’t know what it is.

Judgement must be based on a set standard otherwise it is just a personnel point of view. So who decided on these standard?

Living without judgement free us from isolate ourselves in conformity. We would be free to express who we truly are.

Judgement isn’t bad if it is just the personnel choices, but it does put us right into duality. Living with judgement is like living in the world of illusion. That is why the Enlighten Masters teach us not to judge.
Tuan on October 5th, 2007 1:12 pm

“Is being in a state of non-judgment even possible while in a human experience?”

Yes it is possible if we just focus on ourselves and not others. When we focus on ourselves we don’t compare to others, judgement will never occur. Like or dislike on personnel level are not judgement, they are just experiences.
Andrea on October 7th, 2007 6:07 am

There are so many great comments here - thank you for adding so much of your perspective to this post!

Liara - thanks for pointing out the voice behind the voice of judgment in the mind! That is, indeed, the voice of true wisdom.

Tuan - is there ever a “real thing” outside of our perception? I think reality is whatever we make it, and we each have our own … as you so aptly outlined in your example, in your daughter’s world, avocado is not a good thing!

Regarding focusing on ourselves - we judge ourselves, too, don’t we?

Here’s where I got with the whole idea of judgment: The mind is going to have its opinions, it’s going to like this and reject that. But we are not our mind! We can tap into the mind’s ability to say “yes” or “no” to things, ideas, beliefs, etc. when it serves us. I think the real trick is not to identify with those judgments. Let the mind go ahead and make its observations and evaluations. As long as we understand that this is not who we are, as long as we remain unattached to those judgments, I think we’ll be okay …

Would love to hear more thoughts!
Blessings,
Andrea
Tuan on October 8th, 2007 6:04 am

I have been contemplated on Judgment for quite sometime. I see the core of Judgment is Comparison. Like an example of my daughter, she does not like avocado because she think avocado taste like broccoli, matter of fact all green food taste like broccoli. Why doesn’t she like broccoli? If she never eats sugar and all of other great stuff before I think she will like broccoli.

We spend our life to pick and choose because there is great variety of things that is similar; in fact we spend more time to pick and choose than the actual experience itself. From there we program our subconscious mind with all the opinions that we collected, slowly they become believes. We live with these believes and we quickly disregard things that are similar even if these things may not be like what we imagine them, doing that we loose a chance of the real experience of thing.

Mindfulness in Buddhism is a great technique to help us focus on one thing at a time. However it doesn’t work for me because it needs great discipline. Your idea to deal with judgment is also good, but it also requires great discipline. Why? Because attachment is a part of the law of the universe. It is easy to attach and very difficult to detach. I spent tremendous effort on practice “letting go”, the moment I thought I did it, it comes right back with full force. I finally give that up and just be who I am and accept all things that come, that when I realize that I don’t judge that much anymore. That is why I say to focus on ourselves we loose the ability to judge, because there is no comparison if we focus on ourselves. I understood that up until you point out to me that we judge ourselves too.

You are absolutely right. May be focus on ourselves is not the key, may be the key is to surrender ourselves completely to the divine will and just be who we are. May be acceptance is the key. May be it’s just the relaxation that dissolve all that resistance from judgment. I guess I will contemplate some more on this matter.

Great conversation Andrea, let me know if you find out the easiest way to overcome judgment. God Bless.

Tuan