Assisting Others

Posted on July 17, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

Last week, a client asked me: “How can I help the people in my life take responsibility for themselves?” This was an excellent question! As Lightworkers, we have a fierce desire to assist others on their path of growth. We see our loved ones struggle, and we want to help. But how do we assist them without disempowering them, or exhausting ourselves?

Here are some guidelines:

Offer assistance, but allow your loved one the choice of receiving it – or not. Do not take action without being asked. When we choose to receive assistance, we empower ourselves. When someone else takes action on our behalf, they are removing us from making our own choices. This is disempowering and inappropriate. Think back to the last time someone else thought they knew what you needed, and made a choice on your behalf. Most likely, you were a little grateful and a little infuriated at the same time. Offer assistance, but do not take the element of choice away from others.
What sort of assistance is appropriate? There is an old saying: “Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man how to fish and he can feed himself for the rest of his life.” Let’s face it – some people want you to do the work for them. Others want you to show them how to do the work. While the latter is preferable, it can be time consuming. I would go a step further. Give a man the most appropriate literature about fishing, the best resources on where to get fishing equipment, and a short demonstration of technique. Then let him take the ball and run with it. If he is truly invested in learning how to fish, you have just offered invaluable assistance. If not, you saved yourself a lot of time and energy.
Expect an equal level of investment. Is the person you are assisting investing as much time and energy into their growth as you are? If not, then their growth is more important to you than it is to them. As much as we would like to, we cannot do another’s growing for them! If the other person is not at least equally invested in receiving what you are giving, then you are wasting your valuable resources.
Set clear boundaries, both for yourself and your loved one. Define how much time, energy, or money you will invest in the situation. Don’t keep your boundaries a secret! Clearly tell your loved one what you are and are not willing to do for them. Otherwise, you may over time become angry and resentful, feel taken advantage of, and the relationship will suffer. People cannot take more from you than you allow. It is your responsibility to uphold your own boundaries. If you feel taken advantage of, this is your issue to address.
Bless your loved one’s choices – even if you do not agree with them. If your loved ones continue to engage in struggle or negativity, then honor this as their choice. Sometimes we need negative learning experiences to help us move forward on our path.

We cannot possibly judge what another person needs. Honor your loved one with the knowledge that they are the expert of their own life. Honor them with knowing that they, too, have a vast resource of inner wisdom at their disposal. By upholding this empowering perspective for them, you are acknowledging them as the perfect, divinely created Being that they are.

Blessings,
Andrea