When do we stop being nice?

Posted on June 30, 2007
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Spiritual Development |

I am in a spiritual conundrum I thought I’d share.

I have a terribly inconsiderate neighbor.  Her dogs bark all day long.  I, of course, work from home and have to listen to this racket each and every day.  Recently, the situation went from bad to unbearable - another dog was added to the household.

I had a fairly good relationship with my neighbor.  I’ve called her and discussed the situation, and she always makes excuses and promises to do better.  I assume people have good intentions.  I believe that we all care about our neighbors, and would not willingly make their lives miserable.  But my current reality does not, obviously, reflect this belief system.

At what point do we stop being nice?  I don’t know about you, but I strive for inner peace that is reflected outward into my relationships.  I thought for a while that this situation was a challenge to my inner equilibrium. I strove for patience and acceptance (and selective deafness).  But was this the appropriate response to the situation?  After all, I am permitting these circumstances to continue, aside from frustrated messages left on my neighbor’s answering machine.  And so I have come to look at this as a boundary issue.

By not enforcing the boundaries of my own peace and quiet - in my own four walls, mind you - I am not doing myself any good.  Helpless anger is not one of my favorite states of being, I can tell you that!  I am not serving myself, my family, my clients, or anyone else in this state.  But am I doing my neighbor any good by being nice?
Our relationship with others is usually a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.  Someone who does not respect and value their neighbors does not respect or value themselves, either.  Someone who has no consideration for others has no consideration for themselves.  Obviously, this is the case for my neighbor.  That’s not something I can change.

But by enforcing boundaries and taking action, I can at least bring the energies of self-respect and self-value into the situation.  I respect my need for peace and quiet in my home.  I am willing to stand up for these values, because I respect myself.  I cannot change my neighbor.  But I can change my perspective, and my actions.  I am not serving myself or others by being nice.  And so I will serve myself and the world (and, who knows, maybe even my neighbor) by increasing the energies of self-respect and self-value around my present circumstances.
Are you being inappropriately nice?  Are you neglecting your own needs because you are reluctant to set firm boundaries?   It’s an easy trap to fall into.  But at some point, the cost to ourselves becomes too high.  We are not serving anyone by not standing up for ourselves.  The more we value ourselves, the more we value others.  And when we value others, we work to create peace and harmony with our neighbors.
I, for one, am calling the Code Enforcement office on Monday.

Blessings,
Andrea

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