Empowering Responsibility

Posted on April 28, 2007
Filed Under Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose, Releasing Limiting Beliefs, Spiritual Development |

Sometimes it is easier to leap to someone’s rescue than to wait for them to take responsibility and help themselves. We do not want to watch a loved one suffer, even if their suffering is a direct consequence of their own choices. Sometimes their suffering brings negativity into our own life. And so we jump in and “help.” We tell ourselves that we are doing a good thing, that we are acting out of love, compassion and kindness. But are we, really?

There’s a fine line between helping and disempowering. We disempower others when we make the assumption that they cannot help themselves. We do this all the time. There’s a certain amount of self-centeredness in this kind of “assistance.” It makes us feel important when we take on the consequences of our friend’s financial irresponsibility, or our child’s unfinished homework. Well-meaning and concerned, we put ourselves in the middle of other people’s situations, and take a central place where we do not belong.

Rather than taking on responsibility for others, it is more empowering to hold the perspective that they can and will take this responsibility for themselves. We can set firm boundaries, and allow our loved ones to step up into owning the situation they have created. We are there to support, to inspire, to give love and compassion. We are not here to “fix” other people’s lives – not even our children’s.

If you’ve been a “fixer,” your loved ones will not appreciate these boundaries at first. Set them anyway. You are empowering your spouse and family and friends to fully own the experience that they have created. While they may, for now, not be enjoying that experience, you are empowering them with the perspective that they have acted as Creator of their life. From this perspective, they are fully empowered to create a new experience from this present one – hopefully, one that is more to their liking. But the first step into this powerful perspective is allowing them to take full responsibility for what they have created so far.

Does that mean we never help one another? Of course not. When someone asks for help, they are owning their experience. They are taking responsibility by asking for help. They are actively working to create something different. We never deny assistance when it is asked for.

There is a big difference in giving assistance that is requested, and doing for others what we think they need. We are all equally able to create our experience. We all have access to inner wisdom. We all know what is best for us. To take responsibility for someone else is a denial of this basic equality. We are essentially saying: “You do not know what is best for you, and you do not have the power to fix this yourself.” And from this perspective, we disempower the very people we are hoping to assist.

The next time you find yourself ready to leap to the rescue, to bail someone out of a bad situation even though they have not specifically requested your involvement, stop. Consider that there may be a learning experience that has arisen for good reason. Consider that it is not yours to judge another’s path. Trust them to step into the fullness of their Divine Power. Trust them to own their experience, to learn what needs to be learned, and to create something new and better. This is a truly empowering way in which we can serve one another.