I’ve noticed an interesting trend lately, with both my clients and healer friends.
It seems we’ve collectively gone overboard in the arena of personal responsibility.
I mean, YES, we are 100% responsible for our own experience. And YES, we create every circumstance in our lives. And YES, when something shows up, we need to figure out what “like” resonance in our Being would have attracted that.
Having said all that, we also share our experience with other people. And sometimes, those other people can spread a lot of muck, negativity, and drama around.
For those of us who are energetically sensitive (and I definitely speak for myself here!) it’s easy to identify with vibrational frequencies that others are creating in our environment. And because we have embraced responsibility for our own experience, we think that any negativity is our “stuff.”
For example …
If your spouse is fearful of your venture into self-employment and you find yourself plagued with motivation-killing self-doubt every Monday morning, it’s not that there’s anything “wrong” with you. It’s that you’ve been hanging out in your spouse’s fear vibration all weekend.
That fear vibration will activate whatever latent fear is in YOUR Being (and let’s face it … it’s always scary making the leap into self-employment) and will thoroughly sabotage you when it’s time to get to work on Monday morning.
Since we’re so self-aware and responsibility-conscious, we may start wondering what’s going on … do we “really” want self-employment? Do we have deep issues around self-worth? Do we maybe lack the self-discipline that is required when creating a new income stream?
No. It’s just that we’ve been hanging out all weekend with someone really fearful. It’s not their “fault,” by the way. This is not about blaming your behavior on other people. But it’s not your “stuff,” either.
If your child resents the time you are suddenly spending on your healing practice, you may find yourself getting increasingly grumpy. It’s not that you don’t love your work anymore. It’s just that a like vibration of resentment is triggered within you, and it makes you grumpy about your work.
That’s all.
Sometimes our experience is impacted by other people’s “stuff.”
Say it with me: “It’s not me, it’s YOU.”
Of course, it’s not ALWAYS someone else spreading bad vibes. Sometimes, it IS us.
But for those of us who are utterly dedicated to personal growth and spiritual evolution, for those of us who are the first to admit our faults and mistakes, for those of us who are happy and willing to do our inner healing work and strive for self-awareness …
… well, it’s easy to end up with 150% responsibility rather than our required fair share.
We’ve pretty much conditioned ourselves to look within FIRST. I think that’s great! But sometimes, this leads us to create problems within ourselves that don’t exist.
If you find yourself oddly unmotivated, or resentful, or feeling guilty all the time, or find yourself fearful for no good reason … look within. Do whatever work you do. But then, ask yourself who you are spending time with. Could it be that they are upholding this vibration and it is triggering a “like” response within you?
I know, I know, some of you are thinking: “But no-one can MAKE me feel anything.” That’s true. But it’s also really, really tough to hang out in the vibration of frustration or anger or fear all day and remain unaffected. The more conscious and energetically sensitive you are, the more you may want to look at what vibrational qualities are being upheld by the people you spend time with.
There’s also the saying: “If someone pushes our buttons, it’s an opportunity to get rid of the buttons.” That’s a great concept, but it doesn’t apply. We are all full-spectrum energetic Beings, through and through. In other words, ALL vibrational qualities, positive AND negative, are represented within us. This is the energetic basis for free will and our ability to create what we want.
The energetic qualities of anger, fear, guilt, resentment, and so forth, will always be potentially present in your Being, to one degree or another. You’re human, after all.
So please, give yourself a break. Don’t attempt to walk on water or eradicate all vibrations of fear / anger / guilt / etc. from your Being. It’s a poor investment of your time. Instead, make choices that resonate to the most positive vibration available, so that you increase this positive vibration in your Being.
Pay attention during your interactions. When you speak with someone, you are exchanging energy. Closely monitor your inner reactions. Disengage if the other person contributes a vibrational state that does not serve you. That doesn’t necessarily mean walking away. It may just mean changing the topic of conversation.
Have a chat with your loved one, if that’s where the bad vibe is coming from. Ask your Guides to clear your energy field of thought forms that are not your own. Take a bath in some sea salt.
This is not something to be afraid of or even concerned about. But awareness is key. Sometimes your “stuff” is not yours at all. But if you insist that it’s yours, you may end up chasing your tail on a never-ending and pointless quest for self-healing.
To your infinite abundance,
Andrea
Filed under: Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose • Meditation and Awakening Consciousness • Releasing Limiting Beliefs • Spiritual Development
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Someone recently talked with me about this very thing. And I SO appreciate your reminder!!! Thinking it’s ALWAYS and ALL WAYS about me to the point of craziness was really a disservice… to me as well as the person/people who I started ‘matching’.
The thing is, until I could learn to admit, “It’s not me, it’s you” and understand it’s okay to accept my very human susceptibility to the vibrations around me… I wasn’t really standing in ‘the truth’ but instead, a story of my own making… which only leaves me more vulnerable to others vibrations. Ahhh… thanks so much! Great post
Mary, thanks for sharing that perspective! I love the observation that, by considering ourselves “immune” to the vibrations around us, we’re really not living our Truth. Awesome!
Dearest Andrea.
Thank you for ALL your clear and loving – sharing. It’s inspiring and beneficial.
Thanks !
Birgit, Denmark, Europe.
Thank you SO much, Birgit!!!
Oh I so needed to here this today. I am about to separate and his energies are like poison to my heart. And it´s almost impossible to stand your ground when faced with a lot of negativity day in day out. I have had a chance to spend 4 weeks this summer without him, and man do I feel the difference!! You are spot on Andrea! I will keep this in mind now. THANK YOU!
Charlotte, I agree. When negativity surrounds us, as highly sensitive people, it can be very, very difficult to stay in our chosen vibrational state! Best of luck on your path!!!
Thank you so much, Andrea. Exactly the reminder I needed at this moment! Blessings to All!
Thank you SO much, Janey!
What an excellent point to remind us all of. I am generally aware of this most of the time, but I admit it, does sneak up on me periodically.
There are some many times when I come home from work after a good day and withing 30 minutes I am frustrated, mad or otherwise very irritable. I have learned to stop at that point and ask myself “What just happened? What just changed?” If the answer is nothing and I realize I was fine 10, 20, 30 minutes ago and now am in a serious FUNK, I know I have just absorbed the energy around me. Just having that awareness makes it easier to shed the gunky energy, stop my own reactions and work on helping the other people involved shift their energy to a better place.
I have also become aware of how very suseptible my children to catching the “gunky-energy-bug” and then spreading it around. They are little energy magnets, being very sensitive to what is around them.
So, as we all become aware and learn how to manage our own interactions with the vibes of the world, lets also take a moment to see if our kids have just sucked up a bunk of gunky energy too. Then we can teach them simple tools to shift their own energy when it becomes uncomfortable. Think of how powerful they will become as adults if they learn these things sooner than wee did!
Sherry, it sneaks up on me, too!
And it snuck up on me from my child just recently! But the good thing about kids is that they adapt and react far more easily than adults. As soon as we realize that we’ve been picking up their gunk, we can put ourselves back in charge of setting the vibrational tone of the household. They’ll stir up a little drama at first, but then will usually match our state. We just have to be in leadership and remember that, as parents, we’re the vibrational boss!
Thank you so much for this post. You always have a way of saying exactly what I need to hear. Thank you!
Thank YOU, Alexis! Glad this came at the right time!
Right on Andrea! I so appreciate the reminder to be more like a duck and let other peoples unpleasant vibes roll off my back or simple swim in a different pond for awhile.
I love the image of just … switching ponds, Nancy!
Sometimes it’s the most loving thing we can do for everyone!
Thanks Andrea for your great reminder. I have noticed that sleeping next to each other creates this big superhighway of thought and emotional exchange. What I have learned to do when we start influencing each other with our ‘stuff’ is to cut the cords in the morning and if its really up then both before and after getting in bed. I found several side benefits to this… we stop waking each other up with strange sleep patterns and I wake up refreshed and with a very present and ‘now’ view of my Beloved.
Thanks for sharing your great wisdom… please keep the emails coming!
Judy, you are totally correct. Sleeping in the same bed creates HUGE amounts of energy exchange, as does sexual intimacy. That can be tough during rough patches … but it can also be great when we’re with uplifting and inspiring partners that bring out our most authentic purposeful vibrational states within us!
Thank you for this article, Andrea. It really came at the right time.
Yesterday, on my express bus ride both to and from work, I encountered some really nasty people and unpleasant situations. I was angry and resentful and wondered why these people and situations came along. After talking to my husband about it last night, I started to think, ok, why did I attract this stuff? After doing a lot of releasing of my anger and other emotions last night and this morning, I got an answer. Part of it was something I have done to a much lesser degree being reflected back at me. It was an eye opener and I did feel better for accepting my part in it. Lesson learned. But part of it was just that nasty people exist and sometimes it’s just THEM.
Your article really hit home for me and reinforced the conclusion I had come to. You always seem to write about the exact thing I need to hear at exactly the right time. Thank you.
Thank you, Tracy! I love your distinction … of course we always have a small lesson in everything we attract. BUT yes, sometimes people uphold vibrational states that just don’t serve us, and we have to recognize that for what it is!
Thank you, Andrea!
Your post appeared at a time when I was just about to stumble and flatten out my nose….! Hahaha…. I nearly was becoming a has-been, burnt-out! And it always felt that there was something crucial that I was missing, something that would pull me up the moment I let it….
You did it! Thank you, and thank you, again!
Warm regards,
Zoe
Awwww, thank you Zoe! So glad I could serve in a small way!!!!
This is so right-on! Thank you for enlightening a particularly trying experience.
Andrea, Thanks for that great post. I will follow your suggestion of asking my Guides to clear out the thoughts that are NOT mine. What a good idea!
Thanks, Martha. Let us know how it works for you!
Well, you did it again, Hit on a subject that effects my life on a daily basis. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now and several years ago we separated for a whole summer then got back together. After that we haven’t been apart for longer than 3 days at the most. He is now on a trip for 4 more weeks and I feel like my energy has been boosted. The advice you give greatly applies to us. I get really tense before he get’s home form work and the energy in the whole house changes. Is there anything I can do to help him be more positive?
Very well stated and important to remember. It took me a long time to understand that I was picking up other people’s emotions and for my family doing their emotions for them so they could be angry with me all the time….
It took some good counseling and lots of understanding before I began to understand boundaries and energy…the good news is now I have an early warning system for FEAR and I find myself getting calm right away and being useful…emotional intelligence is a profoundly amazing tool
Thank you
What you are saying, Andrea, is particularly important for those of us in the healing professions. Because empathy for our clients is an important part of our job description, it can be easy for us to take in some of their negativity energetically without even knowing we’re doing it. I find it important to clear my energy field after particularly negative sessions, consciously giving back to my clients what is theirs and making the distinction – that’s them, not me.
Refreshing to find someone in the “New Age” community speaking of this issue. I’ve a lot of experience, sadly, of someone behaving in a very bad way, anything from merely acting grumpy to being outright mean, and then denying what comes up in me and others around him, as a response. I “should” let him be; I’m in charge of my own response, so his bad mood is in no way responsible for creating a bad vibe.
This commandment of New Thought is always used as an excuse on his part, and if you’re the kind of person who is honestly doing her best, it can be hard not to take this on board and feel that one is somehow failing (oops, there I go showing up my unenlightenment again!).
Were we all Vulcan, like Mr Spock, then the mood of those around us would merely elicit curiousity in us, but being human, they can, instead, often bring up irritation, anxiety etc. We do indeed have a responsibility to stay in our own positivity, but that in no way excuses bad behaviour on the part of others.
Thank you for shining a light on this!
Aaaah, Mel … but we ARE responsible for our own response and definitely “should” let the other person be! We CHOOSE who to be around. And if we choose to be around someone who’s grumpy to outright mean, then those energies are going to be part of the reality we create for ourselves.
What I find truly incredible is that so many of us seem to be willing to subject ourselves to the presence of negative people in our lives. You’re totally right, it’s VERY hard not to take on negativity if it’s around all the time. But why stay? Why engage?
An interesting article, I suppose that practically speaking it might be ok to say, I didn’t attract these negative feelings, its other people that are the problem. Just as long as you admit that in the grand scheme of things, people really do attract 100% of all situations. I think the real issue is that a lot of the attraction is probably unconscious, or perhaps superconscious? Because you can’t really have it both ways, and say we create our own reality but then say, well except for this situation and that so I won’t worry about it. But you can say there are practical limitations to eradicating all negative vibes from my being, in the recesses of one’s mind, that create the situation where my partner is resentful. In turn that poses a lot of free will problems that I will probably not understand in this life.
Hi Piotr … I think you may have to read the article again … because I actually START by saying we’re 100% responsible for our own experience. This is not about pointing blame at others. But it’s also about taking NO MORE than 100% responsibility. Have another look.
Hmm…yeah I think I misunderstood you. Its just that when you say you shouldn’t take 150% responsibility…it seems to strongly imply there are things in your life that are not of your creation. I did read your initial statement about how people create 100% of their life…but the rest of the article seemed to contradict that, or introduce “wiggle room”.
I think I understand what you mean now – simply that your emotions can be impacted by others. I can understand that…hanging around negative people makes it difficult to stay positive. But of course, the fact that you’re hanging around negative people, and creating a situation where they can affect you is still of your creation. Anyways I get it now
.
Andrea
Thank you for your response. And you’re correct, of course. What irritates me is when it’s used as an excuse for bad behavior, without admitting the bad behavior, if you understand me. We all have our moments, and I don’t expect perfection from anyone. When the bad behavior is never acknowledged, and instead someone acts as if they are in fact perfect, that is when I get annoyed.
And of course, there comes a point where one has had enough and, as you say, chooses NOT to be around a person who behaves in this way. Which is why I’m currently in the process of removing said person from my life.
Looking forward to future articles.
Mel
Oh, I totally understand what you mean, Mel! The bad behavior is like throwing down a challenge – “If you’re so spiritual, then I can act any way I want and it shouldn’t affect you!” LOL. Glad you’re currently in the process of moving on – that is often the most empowering choice we can make!
What if you have no one else around you…I am feeling extremely unmotivated but have tools to create income for myself but for some reason just don’t want to do anything, and I have bills to pay and need food so I do need income, but cannot get motivated
Michelle – lack of motivation can be either a. egoic resistance or b. you are trying to “make” yourself do something in a way that really isn’t “you.” So … break whatever project you want to do down into baby steps. Take one small action. That way, you know you’re overcoming resistance, if that’s the problem. Take one or two more small actions, and if it still feels icky, ask yourself how you could do things differently.
Finally, check in with yourself if you’re in the “before I can have X, I must do Y” trap. Sometimes we actually create obstacles for ourselves before we get to do what we REALLY want. In that case, skip “Y” and proceed straight to “X.”
hi andrea! i remember reading this post when you first wrote it, but now its actually coming into action in my life as i visit family for the holidays!
what is your advice on how to manage one’s own personal auric field when one has to be in an environment that is like sifting through 4th dimensional garbage all the time? and also dealing with 4th dimensional thought and feeling “bullets” being shot (unconsciously) all the time?
any advice is appreciated!!!
love, aliya
Hi Aliya … lol. You know, you don’t “have to” visit your family just because it’s a holiday! It sounds entirely unpleasant!
BUT – you can ask your Guides to clear out your fourth-dimensional energy field of any thought forms not created by you. Do that a couple of times a day (like at lunch and before bed) and that will help. Also, don’t engage. Sometimes it’s tempting to try and “help” family members, because we love them … but they really don’t want it!
So remember, your job is never to lead a horse to water. It’s tiring for you, and annoying to the horse.
Thank you for the reminder, I am going through this right now. It’s so easy to get caught up in the “it’s me, it’s me” attitude.