When it comes to other people, we can send them blessings. We can send them positive and healing energy. We can pray on their behalf. What we cannot do effectively, however, is set intentions centered on them.
“My intention is to support my husband in creating a successful business.”
“My intention is to help my son become more responsible.”
“My intention is to raise happy and healthy children..”
These all sound like wonderful intentions. However, these types of intentions are simply not available to us on our path. Of course we want good things for the people we love! But there is only one life that, in the end, we can ever be responsible for. That life is our own.
We cannot make someone else’s choices for them – even our children grow up and must assume more and more responsibility for themselves. We cannot know what our loved ones truly want or need on their path. Our intentions must be about us. We are the Divine Creators of one life, and that is our own. To assume that we can create someone else’s experience for them would effectively disempower them and assume them less Divine than ourselves.
So if you find yourself creating intentions that revolve around your loved ones, come back to what you actually get to choose. Decide what you want for yourself, in your own life. What would it mean for YOU if your husband’s business were successful? What life would that create for you? That’s your true intention – now create it for yourself!
What would a more responsible son mean to you? What would happy and healthy children represent in your physical experience? How would these things be reflected in your own life?
Intentions must be self-centered. That does not make them selfish. In fact, by centering our intentions on what we want for ourselves, we create space and room for everyone in our lives to step into that same level of authentic self-expression. We stop imposing our intentions on the people we love. Just imagine if every choice any of us ever made were met with unconditional approval! After all, who are we to say that our husband must be successful, our son must be responsible, and our children must be happy and healthy? What if they choose failure, irresponsibility and misery? Well, they are being the Divine Creators of their own experience, and we cannot judge their choices. We can only decide what we want for ourselves, and get on with creating our lives accordingly.
Making our intentions about others is a sure-fire way to take us outside of the realm of conscious creation. It takes us out of power and responsibility … and as an added bonus, we can feel good about ourselves at the same time! We can pat ourselves on the back for doing so much for everyone else! By focusing on what we want for others, we can safely avoid taking responsibility for creating our own experience.
In order to step into our Divinity, our intentions must be centered on what we want for ourselves, supported by choices that are ours to make. We are limitless, powerful Divine Creators of only one experience, and that is our own.
Blessings,
Andrea
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Tagged with: conscious creation
Filed under: Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose • Manifest Your Desired Outcomes • Spiritual Development
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Hi Andrea,
I think that this is where many of us get tripped up while walking on our spiritual path; we think that we are “helping” others by making an intention that involves them. Whether it’s our spouse, our child, or our significant other, we want the best for them and we think we know what that is. But this type of thinking is actually a good example of what I call “spiritual arrogance”. I love the way you put it;
“To assume that we can create someone else’s experience for them would effectively disempower them and assume them less Divine than ourselves.”
I believe that when we try to help others by holding a specific intention for them, we interfere with their spiritual evolution; we interfere with their ability move forward in accordance with their own highest path and purpose, whatever that might look like. When we understand that we are the creators of our own existence, we begin to see that the only way to manifest what we desire is to create it within ourselves first, and then let it shine out into the world. Thanks for such an insightful post!
Blessings,
Mary
what do you think about setting an intention like this: I intend to do my best to assist my partner’s, child’s, etc. soul in its unique path of spiritual development and self-expression. Thinking about this intention which involves others feels good to me because then I’ll get guidance about how to empower and assist that person at the level of their soul. (Although, in my experience I have to watch out a bit as it may not always be in harmony with what their personality desires
Thanks for another great thought-provoking post!
As someone who just escaped a relationship where my partner had this mentality-that they could “help” me become more successful-I can honestly say that “helping” people in this manner isn’t doing them any favors.
I have been guilty of it too, though, so I know where it comes from. I know that people mean well, it just almost never works out that way. “Helping” people in this way only serves to make them feel ashamed of themselves, disempowered, and unworthy.
I think without my own painful experience, I might not have learned this lesson. But even without that teaching, I think it helps to always remember that you don’t know what’s best for anyone other than yourself. Just repeating that to myself: “I don’t know what’s best for anyone but myself,” helps me focus on the right person to help (me).
Thank you for writing this. I hope many people will be able to learn this lesson the “easy” way, from others
These words You shared…
“Making our intentions about others is a sure-fire way to take us outside of the realm of conscious creation. It takes us out of power and responsibility … and as an added bonus, we can feel good about ourselves at the same time! We can pat ourselves on the back for doing so much for everyone else! By focusing on what we want for others, we can safely avoid taking responsibility for creating our own experience.” …so help me understand some perspectives that have been out of my grasp. Thanks!
Hi Andrea,
Hope it’s ok — I used a section of this great blog in my daily inspiration today. Really gave me some insight into some of my “good intentions” I had set for others… THANKS!
I know I sound like a broken record over here but you always seem to post something EXACTLY when I need it most. ALWAYS.
As much as I learned from you, and others, about intention, I often need to be reminded of the “do’s” and “don’ts”.
Andrea – you have a real talent for transforming spiritual and metaphysical concepts into easily digestible Cliff-Note versions. I just LOVE that about you.
I set new intentions in conjunction with the new moon (why not show some respect to astrology, couldn’t hurt) and I am relishing in the ASK and ALLOW language.
This is an important lesson. Yes our intentions must be about us. When we do this we are true to our self and the outcome is that we are in a better position to love the world and be all that we desire to be and have a positive impact on those we love and all whom we touch. Thanks for sharing this important lesson.
Great post. Our intentions do have to be self centered. Too often people are too nice so they pick an intention concerning someone else, which defeats the point of it all.
I love the article and would like to know how to apply this to a work situation-someone said “the intent may be good but it is the actions which speak more loudly”. Great article.
I work for a government authority, delivering training workshops about equal opportunity. The objectives of the training programs are to teach people about anti-discrimination laws and anti-bullying laws. I think as an organisation, we set intentions for others (don’t government and cause-based organisations do this all the time?). Our mission is about social change, so that must be setting intentions for others. I’ve always worked in these sorts of roles, and I now see some of the reasons for that…mostly to do with my need to be a rescuer, to be right, to be good…we won’t get into that now. I wonder though, what might be a more helpful way of approaching the work?
Adrienne – The question to ask ourselves is – what do we get out of our intention for others? You actually hit it right on the head – it feels “good” to get guidance for them. Now, what does that do for you? What energies does that bring into your life? Then set your intention around THOSE, because that’s what you’re really after! And you can create those energies for yourself, independently of whether others “cooperate” with your intentions for them!
Thanks so much for the question!
Jay – you bring up such a great point! I frequently use the analogy that our job is to hold up a giant sign that says “Water Here!” and let everyone decide whether they are thirsty or not. Going around telling people how much they need to drink our water just gets annoying.
Christa – Spiritual Cliff Notes – love it! Hee hee.
Rose-Anne – Thanks so much for mentioning the article! I left a comment over on your blog, too!
Isabelle – Good point. Ideally, intentions and actions line up! Some people never follow through with action, that’s certainly true. And then even the clearest intentions are never made manifest.
Jenny – Oooh, that’s a really juicy topic you bring up!!! And it’s so appropriate, because lots of us here on this blog are out to change the world for the better (myself included!). I think it’s important to recognize that we are in this, first and foremost, for ourselves. And that’s entirely appropriate! I mean, I adore sharing these thoughts on conscious creation, intuition, and so on – but why? Because writing helps me process what I myself most need to learn.
Seriously, what all of us helping and healing professionals must own is that the work we do and the way in which we do it must, first and foremost, serve ourselves. We tend to want to do for others what we most need in our own lives, and what we really love to express. That’s about OUR spiritual growth and evolution. And that’s perfect.
If you think about it, we are all one. Is there a difference between serving ourselves and serving others? Not really. Where we get into trouble is when we think we can serve others by sacrificing. The energy of sacrifice can only lead to more sacrifice. Like attracts like. But when we serve from joy and fulfillment, then that’s what we create more of in the world!
Goodness, that’s a whole other post right there! Thanks for the inspiration!!!
Blessings,
Andrea