We tend to surround ourselves with people that hold a comfortable space for us. They love us and respect us for who we are right now in our lives, as well as for the goals and dreams we talk about, even if we haven’t taken action yet. They are gently encouraging without pressuring us into change. They are of like mind and at a similar level of self-expression as us in many ways. Our like resonances affirm who we believe ourselves to be right now. They make us feel safe, comfortable, secure and accepted.
And then there are the people who hold a space for us that is far greater than the space we dare hold for ourselves. These people uphold our gifts and talents beyond what we can own for ourselves. They clearly see our possibilities, our not-yet-expressed capabilities, the accomplishments they know we have within us. They believe in us. They make the greatest vision we have of ourselves even bigger.
While we may be drawn to these people, they invariably also make us uncomfortable. We may see them as intimidating, pushy, or unyielding while we also admire them. They bring out our greatest insecurities. When we are around them, all the fear and self-doubt that keeps us in our small, comfortable space asserts itself and tells us all its reasons for why this bigger space is simply not attainable, not even desirable … at least, not yet!
We don’t feel ready for these people. They scare us a bit. They may even scare us a lot. They make us want to dig in our heels, or run and hide. They uphold our greatest possibilities as a reality in us, right now. And that means that, around these people, we feel the need to step forward into our own greatness.
If we are very brave, we welcome these people into our lives. We make our fear and discomfort and insecurity about ourselves, not them. We thank them for pushing our buttons, so that we may address whatever is holding us back. And we expand to fill the great space they are willing to uphold for us.
Who is holding space for you? Is it a space that is bigger than where you are right now? Or has it become a confining, limited space that has nothing to do with where you are going? Who can you invite into your life that will uphold your greatest potential?
Blessings,
Andrea
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Great article Andrea!
I love your writing. One of my friends said that When she is around people that think big it is like a tuning fork and we tend to come up to their vibration.
Lela
Your post shows the value of “satsang”, keeping company with the true, the holy. It inspires us to stretch, to strive, to go beyond what we think is comfortable to what we are destined for.
It is said that when the great diva Maria Callas came on stage during her operatic career, that her companions on the stage, by some power of osmosis, sang beyond their capacity, and surprised themselves and the audience at the performances they gave.
Having real live heros can inspire and empower us.
This is a great article! I know that in my own life, I have people who “push my buttons” to try and help me grow. I’m learning (slowly) to accept this for what it is…in the past I have always gotten defensive around these people. I’m still not 100% comfortable with facing the things I need to change about myself, but it becomes easier with practice.
I’m usually this person for other people… Makes it hard to make friends, sometimes. People really do resist it. I think I’m fortunate, because I am also this person for myself. When it first started, I was scared of speaking to people, so I forced myself to work in a call center where I would not only be speaking to people all of the time, but speaking to scary, angry people! Then, I became a receptionist so that I could deal with my fears face-to-face! My challenges have grown much further from there, but I can’t imagine what life would have been if I hadn’t done things that were scary, that other people even said I couldn’t do or thought I had more potential to do. You really don’t know who you are until you take some risks.
Hmm. The next time someone pushes me, I think I’ll remember that and try to go a little easier on them. :}
Thanks for this post. To answer your question, what I’ve done recently is join a men’s circle that meets weekly. I’m mostly there to make commitments to them about the things I’m going to accomplish within the next week, and to get kicked into gear. It’s working great so far.
THanks for this post Andrea. There are some friends that I am drawn to and yet feel uncomfortable with. As you suggest, they might represent my golden shadow – a business savvy that I have thus far been unable to claim. Great stuff!
These days I’m drawn to family and open to whoever walks into my life. It wasn’t always that way; as a busy executive in a soul-crushing job, I can’t say that I had any lasting friendships. Great stuff, thanks Andrea.