In my last article, we discussed how other people’s negative thoughts affect us. We have a negative response to someone in our lives. Let’s say they “make us feel” insecure. We know this is our issue, not theirs. They’ve pushed our “insecurity” button, and we don’t like it. Now what?
Let’s first of all acknowledge that we carry the potential for all negative and positive emotions. We cannot eradicate negative vibrational frequencies from our being. Negative emotions and reactions have their place. They alert us that there is something wrong, that there is something to be examined. Problems arise when we try to “get rid of” our negative reactions, when we try to run away from them or deny their existence. What we resist, persists. No, the way to deal with our own negative responses is not resistance. It is observation.
You’ve interacted with this person, and now you feel terribly insecure. Acknowledge and observe the feeling of insecurity – without judgment. Just feel what insecure feels like. Take a second to be with this insecurity. Refrain from labeling the feeling as good or bad. It just is. Hey look, a button has been pushed. That’s all.
At this point, the mind will usually want to take over. The mind may want to react with self-righteous indignation (“How dare this person make me feel this way?”), denial (“I’m fine, I’m happy, I’m perfectly secure in myself, I’m secure in the Universe, in self-love, in infinite abundance, ooooohhmmm …”) or whatever coping mechanism it can come up with. You may find yourself rooting around in childhood memories, trying to come up with whatever your mommy or daddy did that is the root of your present insecurity. The mind wants to defend itself against the negative reaction of insecurity by assigning blame, by talking itself out of the reaction, by distracting itself, or by finding a “rational” reason for the feeling.
Don’t buy into this game the mind wants to play. Be with the feeling. Observe it. Feel it. Don’t react to it. It sounds too simple, doesn’t it? That’s the big solution – to just observe?
It’s more difficult than it sounds. We get so swept up in negative emotions and thoughts, in the reactions of our mind, that to reside in mere observation can be no small feat. We don’t like feeling insecure. We want to defend ourselves against this feeling. Overcome this impulse, and simply be with your insecurity. It may take a little mindfulness and practice, but it can be done.
Why this works
As soon as you attach thought to the energy of insecurity, you begin feeding that energy. Energy follows thought. Mental reaction to the feeling of insecurity means feeding energy into that insecurity. If you allow your mind to run unchecked with its reactions, you actually strengthen the vibration of insecurity. Guess what this does to the original thought form that started all this? It strengthens the vibration of insecurity in the other person, also! Pretty soon, there is an energetic ping-pong ball of insecurity bouncing between the two of you that is picking up intensity and speed.
When you allow yourself to simply observe and be in the feeling of insecurity in that moment, you are not giving the energy any momentum. It’s the difference between a ping-pong ball that bounces off a wall, and one that lands in a soft net. Give that energy a soft, yielding place to land, and it comes to a stand-still. Without being fed by further thought, it simply dissipates.
We cease to identify with what we observe. We observe our feelings, and immediately recognize that we are not our feelings. Our negative reaction is not who we are, either. As soon as we stop identifying with our negative reaction, it loses its punch. It is no longer threatening. We no longer have to run away from it, because it has nothing to do with who we are. In no way does the vibration of insecurity that became activated within us lessen who we are, or mean there is something “wrong” with us. We don’t have to eradicate this feeling, or wage war on it. It’s just a temporary feeling. When given no further energy, it dissipates almost instantly.
An Example
Those of you with children know how frustrating toddlers can be. Sometimes the waffle has to be frozen, at other times it absolutely has to be toasted. Either one at the wrong time may induce a melt-down. Needless to say, my little two-year-old pushes my buttons from time to time (okay – daily!).
The other day, she was once again frustrated at my inability to read her mind regarding her preferred sippy cup of the moment. While she vented her frustrations, I simply watched her and felt my own. I didn’t placate, I didn’t try to make her feel better. I just looked at her and allowed myself to feel thoroughly frustrated. Within mere seconds, she went from having a tantrum to looking very surprised. The energy of frustration never came back to her, never fed into her own. Poof! It dissipated. We got on with our day.
It is a challenge to stay with our negative feelings when all we want to do is move away from them as fast as possible. But when we acknowledge our reactions without judgment or further thought, simply through observation, we stop negativity in its tracks.
Try it! Leave your comments and share your experience!
Blessings,
Andrea
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Beautiful
While the things you said in this entry are certainly true, our reactions to other people can be influenced by forces such as cords of attachment, psychic coercion, and entity attachments. Unless these forces are removed, our own willpower may very well not be enough to respond to other people with minimal resistance. I know you are already aware of this, but I thought it would be worth mentioning since a lot readers may not be.
There are people who don’t really intend to break promises but who can’t really say no either. What they don’t realize is that this kind of attitude also hurts themselves as well. Not only do they gain a not-so-reliable reputation, they also have to deal with the feeling of inadequacy within themselves. I liked your example of you experience with your baby but what if you’re left to deal with this insecurity alone? Wouldn’t there be a danger of drowning yourself in it instead of merely observing?
Rich – Thank you!!!
Ryan – absolutely, those kinds of negative influences can make it more difficult to remain non-reactive. However, remember that it IS our willpower that removes these forces. In order to clear something like, for example a cord of attachment, two things are necessary – awareness of the situation, and the desire to change it. And by remaining in observation (sure, it’s more difficult but it can be done) we can become aware of these mechanisms. Plus, chords and entity attachments and such exist because they want to draw on our negative energy. Using this exercise, it could actually be possible to energetically “starve” these negative influences out of existence. I agree that would take a lot of work. Ideally, everyone would come in for clearing work … but I uphold that there are many, many ways to overcome negativity. Awareness is the first step, and if a practitioner is needed, then people will be guided with their new-found awareness to seek the assistance they need. I think, though, that we are all empowered to transcend any negativity present in our lives. Thank you for adding this dimension to the discussion – I agree that these factors can make it more difficult to stay in observation and non-reaction. Do you think, though, that mindfulness is impossible given negative attachments, or just more difficult?
Jen – I think we all know those kinds of people!
But we can’t change them, we can only change our reaction to them! Regarding “drowning” in the insecurity – well, we want to observe it, not wallow in it. And that takes practice. I think most of us do drown in our negative reactions a lot of the time. We just keep practicing, and get better at it over time. As we learn how to just observe and be with how we feel, we don’t considered “ourselves” as insecure. We detach – and guess what? We don’t feel nearly as insecure anymore, because we begin to recognize who we are beyond thought, beyond emotion. It’s tough to feel truly insecure when we recognize the shining spiritual beings that we truly are!
Blessings,
Andrea
Do you think, though, that mindfulness is impossible given negative attachments, or just more difficult?
I do believe that mindfulness can be more difficult or even impossible because of negative attachments. Of course, like you said, our own behaviors tend to be what draw them to us in the first place, but sometimes clearing such influences from our auras is a necessary first step before we can make any other improvements such as adopting healthier attitudes.
Hey Andi,
Brilliant stuff – the absolute key to stopping all negative emotions in their tracks. I can’t think of anything I can add, that’s how much I like this post. Thank you!
Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
Ryan – I guess there’s a part of me that is hesitant to label any negativity as “impossible” to overcome on our own. I do think there are a few elements always involved in clearing – a recognition of the issue, a desire to change, a request for spiritual assistance, and some sort of action to support the shift … but within that there are many, many ways to clear negative influences. What’s your preferred way to clear these issues, by the way?
Albert – I have so much respect for your work, your high praise really means the world to me! Thank you!!!
Blessings,
Andrea
I should clarify that when I said “mindfulness can be more difficult or even impossible because of negative attachments” that mindfulness can sometimes be difficult/impossible to achieve unless our auras are cleaned up through means that go beyond improving our attitudes, thinking, behaviors, et cetera. I agree that negative influences can always be removed, but this is something that few people have real knowledge of. This is a major area of study my soul has chosen to undertake, but I have not been able to learn about very many things such as entity attachments yet, so maybe I shouldn’t comment on these kinds of things any further.
It makes a lot of sense to look beneath the negative energy we express to determine the underlying causes. Often, lashing out at someone for a minor reason indicates our negativity stems from other things, like repressed guilt, inadequacy, insecurity or other emotions we haven’t yet learned to recognize, accept and let go.
Hi Andrea,
Am happy to find this untapped human potential of developing the power of observation so beautifully put across. I have 2 little ones as well and yes, they provide ample opportunity to practice this great art.
Have shared this article out as well, so others may benefit also.
Best,
Anmol
Thank you, Anmol! I once overheard someone call kids “built-in personal growth opportunitites.” I think they were right! Having kids does “build in” a lot of opportunities to stay centered and non-reactive.
Thanks for sharing this article, also. I appreciate it!
Many blessings,
Andrea