I’ve been finding myself talking a lot lately about fear. Sooner or later on our path of personal and spiritual expansion, fear will arise. Fear can be good – it alerts us to the presence of issues that need to be examined.
Unfortunately, we are programmed to have two specific responses to fear: fight or flight. When we are in fear, our breath becomes shallow and quick. A burst of adrenaline goes through us. We are poised to either do battle, or run as fast as we can in the other direction. This is an excellent system that was designed to keep us physically safe in a time when we had to worry about being eaten by bears. But in a time where physical safety from wild predators is rarely an issue, we need to find a new way to address fear.
Here’s my preferred method for dealing with fear, when it arises:
- Acknowledge the fear. We tend to run away from the feeling of being afraid. We distract ourselves, or talk ourselves out of our fear. But when left unacknowledged, the fear that is trying to inform us actually only becomes stronger. It is trying to do its job, and will continue to compete for our attention with whatever distraction we are using to dull the sensation of fear. We can spend an astonishing amount of energy denying fear. In the end, the fear will still be there. We may as well acknowledge it when it arises, and save ourselves some time.
- Examine the fear. We don’t have to delve into the “why” of the fear. We simply name what it is that we’re so afraid of. This can be remarkably liberating. Once we give it a name, we also have a better handle on our fear. We can address it in our conscious mind, rather than having it lurk around in our subconscious.
- Write out your worst-case scenarios. Once you’ve given your fear a name, go deeper into examination. What would your fears look like if they really came true? Let your imagination run wild. Write out the absolutely worst thing you can imagine happening to you, based on the fear you’ve named.
I can imagine some of the objections to this exercise. “What about the Law of Attraction? If I focus on my fears, won’t I draw them to me?”Remember that we are only examining what is already there. You are already manifesting according to your fears. By bringing them forward into consciousness, you are taking conscious control of an unconscious process already in motion.
You’ll find that, when you truly examine the worst-case scenario, it’s usually not nearly as frightening as fear itself. When you write out an account of the challenges, losses, and pain that you fear, you will often find nothing that you haven’t already encountered and overcome in your life. You may even find yourself taking your fear by the scruff of its little neck, looking it straight in the eye, and saying “Bring it on!”
Be afraid, fear. Be very afraid.
How do you address fear? Please leave your comment and share!
Blessings,
Andrea
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I use the Sedona Method. Its been so useful for me. Its basic set up requires you to ask yourself 4 questions. “Could I allow this feeling to be here?” “Could I let it go?” “Would I let it go?” “When?” Its suprisingly effective especially with someone to help you by asking you the questions. Keep repeating until all emotions are cleared. Can be used with any emotion.
I love EFT as well, which you know all about anyway.
Hope all is well.
Take care,
Andrew
Hey Andrea
Once again, you are writing this post specifically for me, aren’t you? You are amazing.
I journaled about my fear yesterday. I’d been trying to ignore it for too long.
I ate gobs of licorice yesterday morning and the sugar sent me spiraling down into depression. So I pulled out my journal at long last and named the creature I was dreading. And the writing was cathartic.
So while I KNOW I shouldn’t overindulge in candy like that, it did – oddly enough – help me to acknowledge my fear and I feel better now, having faced it.
I’m not recommending eating candy in the face of fear. I’m recommending the journaling part!
Andrea, writing is the best method for me to use as well. Most of the time it seems to take me about 4 days to get to the writing stage. I experienced it this last week. For the first 4 days, I ran from the fear with overeating food. On the night of the 4th day, I realized what I was doing. I faced the fear and found that my mother-in-law’s recent illness bought up issues for me. I still haven’t actually taken the time to sit down and write about my new awarenesses from the fear since I have had company visiting all week. They leave later today so I will journal about the awareness and facing the fear then.
I told my sister yesterday that my mother-in-law’s illness brought up my fear of her dying and of me losing the only mother that I have left since our mom died back in 1999. I definitely need to do some journaling about that. Thanks for the push in that direction.
Andrew, I have never heard of the Sedona method, but I’ll be checking it out now! It sounds a little bit like Byron Katie’s “work” which is also a really good process.
Stacey, I’m glad this was a timely article for you. Eating candy in the face of fear … I think I’m well familiar with that one! But as both you and Patricia point out, overeating can be a great “heads-up” that there is a fear we’re suppressing at work.
Patricia, I love writing too – there’s something about wrapping words around a feeling or situation that is so powerful. Glad the article served as a reminder that journaling will serve you right now!
Thanks as always for the insights you all bring!
Blessings,
Andrea
Thanks for reminding us; fear is the major issue in our life. Our modern life is pretty much being driven by fear that is why we are so addicted to scary stuff. Fear is fun, fear sell, fear is pleasure, and fear is motivation. Those are the programs that we put in our mind since childhood.
We have come to know that fear is not good for our soul since fear is the opposite from love. Loves give us freedom, fear constraint us and put us into submissive state. Dealing with fear is the must for our spiritual advancement.
I’ve noticed that there are two types of fear: The short term and the long term. The short term one we commonly call it scare or fright. This one you have mention above is gives a burst of adrenaline into our system and make us have involuntary response like fight or flight. I like this one because it’s actually fun and actually make us strong. This fear is quite natural. The long term one is what we have to deal with. This type of fear is the program, which manipulate our mind into the sensation of fear and leave us drain, depress and weak. Dealing with this type of fear is quite tricky since they have many faces.
I agree with your first two methods. They are excellent. The third one I’m not quite sure. I’ve tried this method before and it really drained my life out. I was exhausted most of the time. My heart ached. My mind couldn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep. Lack of sleep contributes even more to my fear. And in the final you realized none of what you have imagined came true.
I’ve notice that since the day I decided not to watch TV or believe in the media, this type of fear doesn’t show up. I do have fears but normally they are short one. May be it is true that when we don’t feed our mind with fear, fear won’t come. This works like vaccination to prevent fear. It doesn’t mean that we should run away, my suggestion is to face fear directly and feel it until it’s dissolved.
This was such an interesting comment, Tuan! I’m so surprised at such a reaction to the third method I mentioned … and doesn’t such a reaction mean there is indeed a long-term fear that has not been dealt with yet? Although, I want to clarify that method #3 should be a short, intense trip of the imagination, not a long, drawn-out dwelling upon worst-case scenarios. But the point is indeed that the fear is not founded in Truth … although that realization should come in the short-term, not after a long time of agonizing.
I don’t know – when the mind won’t stop to the point where we can’t sleep, that is usually a high level of resistance of the lower self to something…
I agree that media and television creates and feeds fear! I mean, the news will have you believe that we’re all at war, and bring war into our homes. I don’t pay much attention to the news, especially – if something really important happens, I’ll usually hear about it eventually!
Blessings,
Andrea
Hi Andrea, nice writeup on handling fear.
I don’t know if this is a coincidence, but these are the exact steps that I take to handle fearful thoughts. Sometimes, we just need to rationalize our way out of fear, and we’ll realize that our fears are based on nothing substantial.
Thanks for sharing Andrea.
Thank you, Lawrence!
I usually try to talk myself out of fear, actually. Funny, I always thought it was the best way to handle fear in a situation wherein you really have no other choice but to do what you need to do. This is where internal monologues come in and all those crazy pep talks with myself enter the picture.
The last thing I usually do is to actually delve deeper into the fear issue. I don’t like thinking about the worst-case scenario simply because it sort of shoves fear in your face.
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your comment! I know, delving deeper into the fear seems counter-intuitive … but very powerful, when done right.
Here’s a few things you can do to avoid the “shove fear in your face” effect. If you’re a visual person, imagine the worst-case scenario on a very small screen, very far away. Whatever you do, don’t put yourself IN the screen. You want to examine, not live the worst-case scenario. Maybe you can imagine in black-and-white, to make it less vivid.
To me, writing actually makes me feel more empowered, but that’s not the case for everyone, I know! If you do write, maybe you can write out the worst-case scenario in the third person, rather than make it about yourself. These are just ways of removing ourselves out of the picture a bit so we’re back in charge of the process of examination, without emotional overwhelm.
Blessings,
Andrea
I usually take this process one step further and ask what would happen if the worst case scenario doesn’t happen? Most of the time, it doesn’t. I remind myself that the worst case scenario rarely happens and then I do whatever it is that I fear. The results of facing my fears are usually pretty awesome. Facing some of those fears has gotten my to India and back 3 times with some of the most valuable lessons that I have ever learned.
Facing my fears, and believe me, I had a ton of them, growing up in an abusive, alcoholic home with an incestuous father and co-dependent mother. When you face your fears, the load that you are carrying around on your shoulders can actually, physically feel lighter. The more you face your fears, the smaller the load gets until all of your remaining fears are just small ones. One day, I choose to have no fears to carry.
Andrea, thanks so much for this article and line of comments. I have to go and face another couple of my fears that I have been running from for the last 2 weeks.
Hmmm, Patricia, awesome way to take this further! After writing out the worst-case scenario, why not also write out the best-case scenarios? But here’s the real trick: to then recognize that both scenarios, and everything in between, are merely constructs of the mind, the ego, the lower self. Looking at these possibilities can perhaps assist us to detach from the outcomes of our choices even more completely than just looking at the fear itself.
Great point, thank you so much for bringing it up!!!
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea,
I just went back to this post from your post on 13 Jan, 2009. Your writing so resonates with me and your commentors especially from this post, really have insightful and helpful things to add. A few years ago, I was told that fear is too prominant in my life, that it is stopping my development and progress. I was giving in to it too much and allowing it to rule my life. I know that was right on and I’ve been pecking away at it ever since. This has not been a quick and easy lesson for me.
I am so glad I found your blog. and I want to thank you so much for your writings.
~Diane