Let’s face it, we are all constantly in a state of evaluating the world around us. Just by deciding what we are going to have for breakfast, we are weighing our options, dismissing those that do not appeal to us, and eventually coming to a conclusion about what to eat this morning. We are always in the process of reacting to the world by saying: “Yes, I like this” and “No, I don’t like that,” even if that opinion is valid only in that very moment. Judgment is very much an integrated part of the human experience. We judge what suits us and what doesn’t, and interact with our reality accordingly. When it comes to other people’s behavior, we have a field day. Aren’t we always looking at other people’s lives, thinking “Wow, I wish I could be more like that” or “I would never, ever choose that for myself” and a million other judgments? We love measuring our own choices against those of the people around us, evaluating, condoning, condemning.

I don’t actually think that this is all negative. We can learn so much from other people’s choices and their consequences. We watch our loved ones, our friends and family and co-workers and bosses. We evaluate their choices, their actions and words, and try to make better decisions based on what we observe. And along the way we judge others as having made mistakes, as having chosen inappropriate words, as having a belief structure that does not serve them. By observing the differences between us and other people, we learn more about ourselves. This process of evaluation or judgment is part of how we grow and learn in relationship with each other.

For example, we may hear someone voice a belief. We immediately go into evaluation mode – do we agree or don’t we? Whether we do or don’t, we may find our own beliefs strengthened. If we’re not sure, we may try the belief on for size to see how it resonates with us. We may then discard it, or incorporate it into our own belief structure. Either way, we expand further into our own Truth.

When does judgment become negative? As I’ve listened to my own evaluations and judgments present in my inner dialog, I’ve been pondering at what point judgment interferes with our growth. When does “good judgment” go “bad?” Here’s what I’ve come up with so far …

Negative judgments cause us to try to impose our Truth upon another. We invalidate another’s frame of reference, their belief system, even their life experiences. We feel that we have “the” one and only Truth, and everyone who disagrees is just plain wrong. Perhaps we even need to help them see the error of their ways and convert them to our way of thinking – for their own good, of course.

Positive judgments, on the other hand, can allow us to have differing opinions. We can be completely at odds with someone else’s point of view. But we still recognize that their Truth is as true for them as ours is for us. The only Truth we can judge is our own. Does this mean we all quietly hold on to our Truth and never disagree with one another? As far as I’m concerned, debating the merits of various Truths allows us to try on what might fit our reality, and what doesn’t. But instead of saying “You’re wrong,” we can say “I do not agree.” We share our perspective instead of attacking someone else’s.

Negative judgments cause us to condemn another’s choices. In fact, we think it is our job to stop them from making “wrong” choices to begin with. We interfere “on their behalf.” Again, we tell ourselves this is for their own good.

Positive judgments allow us to witness another’s choices and disagree with them. We understand, however, that they are the expert and authority in their lives. We may not condone their choice, but we bless it anyway. In this way, we honor each other as the Creators of our respective experiences. We can look at someone else’s creation and say “I would never choose that for myself.” But we do not negate their right to choose it, based on our perspective.

Negative judgment leads us to think we know what is “best” for others. We think we know more about their path than they themselves do. We try to do their work for them. We freely tell them what to do, and even hold ourselves responsible for the outcomes of their actions.

Positive judgment allows us to acknowledge the difference between lending assistance and enabling another. We understand that we cannot do another’s growth or lessons for them. While we may think that someone is on a path of lack, or self-destruction, or guilt, we cannot know what experiences they need in order to grow and learn. Perhaps a loved one does have to be smacked upside the head with life’s great big stick before they can move forward within a life lesson. Perhaps what we view as a negative choice will have remarkable consequences for them down the road. Either way, we must all learn our own lessons and do our own work. We can apply judgment to discerning what is our work, and what is not.

So, if you find yourself wondering whether you are being judgmental, ask yourself if you are applying judgment in a positive way, to assist your own growth and learning. Or are you imposing your judgment on another? Disagreeing with someone else’s choices, beliefs, or attitudes is not a bad thing. As human beings, we are hard-wired to have opinions. It is the energy with which we meet another person’s choices, beliefs and attitudes that determine whether we are falling into negative judgment.

What are your thoughts about judgment? Is being in a state of non-judgment even possible while in a human experience?

Blessings,
Andrea Hess

Filed under: Embrace Your Highest Path and Purpose • Releasing Limiting Beliefs • Spiritual Development

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