How often does the word “should” play into the choices you make, every day? It’s not a very empowering word – it implies an external authority, someone who is telling us what to do. When we look at at the instances in which we use “should” in our conscious thoughts, it gives us an interesting insight as to whom or what we give authority in our lives.
Try this little exercise:Â For the next two or three days, write down every instance of the things you do because you feel you “should.” Just write them down as soon as they occur. In the end, you will have a list of activities you did not really want to engage in right then, but probably did, anyway. For example: “I should call my mother, I should check my e-mail, I shouldn’t eat that, I should look into that gym membership, etc.” The list may get pretty long in just one day.
The next part of this exercise is taking each of these “I should …” statements and asking yourself “According to whom?”
For example “I should call my mother.” “According to whom?” Perhaps the answer is “My mother.” Or perhaps it’s the voice in your head that says “A good son/daughter calls his/her mother at least once a week.” Or perhaps it’s your spouse who wants your mother to cook the family Thanksgiving meal. In these cases, you have given authority to your mother, or your spouse, or to a specific belief that may or may not serve you.
Sometimes, of course, we “should” ourselves. For example: “I should go to the gym.” “According to whom?” “According to my experiences of feeling good after a workout.” In this case, you are giving your past personal experiences authority.
This exercise is not about creating judgment. It is about creating awareness. When are you allowing an external source of authority to govern the choices that eventually shape your life? And is this source of authority one you would consciously choose to assist you in your decisions?
Blessings,
Andrea
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